2007 in review

2007 can be summed up into one word: transition.
everything around me had changed drastically, from having leo working in rome, to working in brussels! my parents had gone back to the philippines. my stable friends have left Rome. i'm now living on my own and learning more things about myself and the trials that come my way.
2008 holds the promise of rewards for initiatives i undertake as well as discoveries i make about myself - in all senses. its been a good year. a challenging one. i know whatever happens 2008 will be different from 2007 and for that i'm glad.

feeling like shit

and i've got a photo to prove it


leo slept over last night after our individual dinners. however, when i woke up this morning i was feeling less than fresh. leo went out to buy medicine and oranges to help me feel better. we ate ( i ate) and then took the medicine and we went back to bed. he was so sweet to take care of me. however in the afternoon, he felt awful himself. he left around 6 to go home. he did tell me that if i needed anything at anytime to let him know and he or his family would come and take care of me. isn't that the nicest?
i'm so lucky not to be alone here.
can't believe i have to go to work tomorrow.
at least i have the kite runner to keep me company
:)

Last night

After our conversation Kari, I had to finish a report and then head over to my boss' dinner. There were two other Filipinos over at that dinner and you know what happens when there are 3 Filipinos in one house? One of them is BOUND to bring a magic mic! It was such a treat to see the other guests belt out their favorite tunes too. So it wasn't only just us. The highest I scored was 96 :(
WAH!
The party ended at 11.30 and I stopped by Leo's for a quick Hi and hug. I made it home by 1ish. Needless to say Kari, and I know you're disappointed, I did not get to complete the homework assigned to me.
I know I won't get to do it tonight as Leo and I are going bowling, and then Greek and he's staying over tonight. So, no, not tonight Kari. Maybe a different night?

gift...

Steve came back today from Paris.
He's doing way better now and he seems totally fine. He's back to the old, cool, Steve. Now, we traded birthday gifts. I got him a Ferrari yellow ashtray, as he's been wanting one for so long and he gave me my gift. Mind you, this year, I haven't been expecting gifts and I kinda miss the DVD/CD/Books gifts that I usually get, but this year had been good. Have to blog about my christmas soon. Not that I'm complaining much mind you, but it seems to me that instead of actual thought for a gift for me, they all just storm in Swarovski and get me something, anything they could find.

That just makes me an ungrateful brat for saying it. But seriously, I do appreciate the gift. It was nice, but it was for a phone-which doesn't go with mine. I'll just turn it into a key ring. Anyway, just wanted to share. Christmas blog coming up, as soon as I get time to transfer them at home.

fresh feeling

i haven't figured out how to have background music while you read an entry....but open the above link, i'm not a fan of the video. i use youtube more to listen to songs than watch videos, but i feel happy and light hearted and....well, a fresh feeling.

i woke up determined today to show them all - its a wake up call that i needed. i've been slacking off too much anyway. i made it to work today at 8am. i left at 9pm. but even though i had the long shift it was bearable. i had an interesting 3 hour course on ipsas, which took away my morning. worked through lunch. had a division drinks at 4 and stole their food for my dinner which i ate around 7.30-that kinda gave me the strength to work til 9. that and len is really great to have around. laughing in an office is a must! it makes the work load lighter.

i got home to find addie, bryce and mars online. it was fun to catch up with addie. i've missed her so much.
leo is sick :( but we were talking on skype while i was catching up with them.
ADDIE, I MISS YOU SO MUCH.....

but talking to friends, knowing i had a productive day at work, helps. i don't feel tired. tomorrow we have a unit lunch.
lots more work, but i've got friends, so i know whatever happens, i'll be ok.

merry christmas

i can't embed this, as its been disabled, but i hope you get to check this out:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZYcECht-51c

ggggggggggrrrrrr

i hate it,
i hate talking to my mom about money.
i closed my account and gave her my balance.
and she wants me to send her money monthly?!
say what?!
why?!
i told her if she is in need, yes i will give her money, but no, she doesn't get to tell me what to spend on and when to send her money. no, i'm not living there anymore! its not like i'm shared costs on her. when she was here, she did get money from me. seriously, she did. if she didn't feel like paying the phone bill, i paid for it. i never asked her for money for the insurance of the car, or gas. never. i paid for my own. if she needed money for whatever reason, i gave.
now i can't. i've got too much to spend on, unless i start getting a second job, there's no way i can send her money. argh!
and i told her that i'm saving up for my wedding, she said, leo should spend for it. why? i mean, really, its not like he was saving up his entire life just to get married. why, why, why do i have a financial freak of a mother?!
why?!

alone in a crowded room

i got home last night feeling like a failure.
and you know what, i am.
at 26, i can't even cook to save my life. i can't even make a damn potato salad and the recipe online seemed so easy. i did do a bit of a taste test when i was making it late on thursday evening, it tasted fine, really. of course on the day itself. it sucked. i will have to experiment later or tomorrow to find out what went wrong. i stayed up til 1.30 in the morning trying to make this thing, para makisama with the pinoys at work and their christmas party. i seriously tried. but of course, at the party i was even more alone. i probably have no social skills which is why i can't get along. and the best, best part, the husband of my first cousin, was the first one to crucify me. and .... well, something he said, just made me feel weird. i walked into a room where he and two other colleagues were talking, they were talking about whatever. I wasn't invited to join, but i wanted to get my phone across the room, but ate luisa was in the way, so i just waited. after they were talking about whatever, kuya romel looked at me and said, si tita clair bumalik ng states, i'm like ok. he said, buti naman, kasi nung na maynila sya ang kulit kulit nya. i'm still n.r., ok. i haven't seen that aunt in years. so the other two were like, who's tita clair. he looked at me, i was going to respond, my tita, his wife's tita too, you know. but he answered, and he said, my wife's fathers sister.
nice. i think i'm being overly sensitive, but its been made pretty clear that there is no association between me and him. we are not related. but its ok, this is the same person who believed that WFP could not and would not sponsor me. i am who i am and where i am, because i never listened to them. there you go.
can i feel any more isolated than this. the only family member i have here, isn't even wanting to be part of it. well. its fine.
right now, i feel a bit bad. leo said he wanted to be here, and well, he's here only on the weekends, so i hurried up and was ready for him at 2 in the afternoon so we could spend more time together and stuff as he leaves early tomorrow morning anyway, of course he's the one that keeps me waiting. argh! nasasayang yung araw ko, there were other things i wanted to do, but of course it was on hold because i opted to spend more time with him. kinda hard to do, since he kept me waiting. its now past 3

Remembering Gene

she's sitting at the right

12 December 2007

WFP MOURNS LOSS OF AID WORKER IN ALGIERS BOMBING

ROME – The United Nations World Food Programme (WFP) today mourned the loss of a staff member who was killed together with at least 45 other people in Tuesday’s terrorist bombing in Algiers.

WFP Executive Director Josette Sheeran joined UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon and others in condemning the attack and conveyed her condolences to the family of Gene Luna, the WFP staff member who died under the rubble.

“We have lost a dedicated member of our WFP family, as well as many others who served to help those in need. I am outraged and saddened at this senseless act of violence against those helping the world’s most vulnerable. My thoughts are with the families and loved ones of those who died,” Sheeran said.

Luna, 48, was a Philippines national. She joined WFP in Afghanistan as a finance officer five years ago and had been transferred to Algiers only last week.

Sheeran also telephoned Lynda Matougui, another WFP staff member who was injured in the blast. She said everything possible would be done to help Matougui, who was pulled out of the rubble and is being evacuated today for medical treatment.

The third floor of the UN building housing the WFP offices was completely destroyed. However, most of the staff members were outside the office on a training course and therefore escaped the attack.

Sheeran said that despite the many security measures that WFP and other UN agencies have taken, this tragedy was a strong reminder of the risks that humanitarian workers take to help the poor and the hungry.

So far this year, 36 humanitarian workers serving WFP have been killed, injured or detained.

steve

my poor partner in crime has been ill. he's been so sick for 3 weeks. 2 weeks ago he flew back to paris to see his doctor. and now i found out that he's been operated on. i finally got hold of him in his hospital in paris, and he'll be there for a while, i don't think i'll see him until next year.
oh well, i just felt bad for him.

happy birthday to me

thanks to all those who remembered me on my birthday.
just incase you were wondering what i was up to....
Presenting: I want to drink on my birthday!

You all know that I don't drink. And as a result I got a late start on drinking tolerance. I get very drunk easily! So I went out with my friends, Mayra, Rashad and Kristine. Ate at a mexican restaurant and downed 9 drinks! Had 2 margaritas and 3 shots and a sangria at the mexicans. Then we moved over to absinthe where I had an awful daiquairi (my first experience with this drink was nice, but at this bar it sucked) and two malibu pineapple drinks.


the guys at the mexican l-r: kristine, rashad and mayra

us



my dinner

I went home but not to an empty house. My real wish for my birthday was to wake up with Leo beside me. So I was on my way home and he was on his way here. We made it into bed by 2am and I was drunk. Bad idea. I woke up on my birthday with a hangover! Could not enjoy my day. That and I had my period too! So the morning part really sucked and Leo tried his best to be super great. And you know what? He was. He is. He brought me back my breakfast and other yearning PIZZA HUT!




After trying to calm the throbbing in my head. We moved over to presents. I got a ralph lauren travel kit from mayra, a necklace made by Cinzia, a wallet from Len and Leo's gift. He first bought me Snoopy Pajama's which I absolutely love! and my new found love too....


THE Wii! :D



He brought me a yummy tiramisu cake and of course a bouquet of flowers.

We went to the Greek place for dinner but it was full so we just got take away and ate at home. We snuggled back into bed and went to sleep. Today it was very rainy and Leo went back to his house. I got my wish of waking up next to him on my birthday and even going to sleep with him beside me. It was truly awesome.


I took him to the airport and did the laundry. I have to get back to the ironing now. You can see from the above picture what kinda day it was. I had the balance of drinks with friends and chill with Leo. It was a great birthday. I got a lot of plans for this year. I can't wait to make them all come true....

Finding faith

I do admit that I rant senselessly and even I read over my blog and admit how shallow I am (or have become). The thing is, I know what's missing and its my time with God. I skip church just because I'm lazy, I don't even pray anymore. Today, I went to church, what's more, I went to confession. It did me good.
I'm thinking way over my head and the priest reminded me of the basic. I should wake up every morning and ask myself, Do I believe in you, Jesus Christ. And from there act accordingly. Do the best I can do and trust that He's always watching me. I forget so easily.
I know this is a bit too personal to blog but I wanted to write it down so I can remember, because with all the mundane things going on, its simply too easy to be distracted and then to forget completely.

Milestones

I had a lot of fun yesterday. Leo was over at the house and we hung out.


kitty chillin' on Leo's car.

It was just nice to be with him in a normal setting. But we were kinda hungry (as he got over here close to 2pm) and normally we go out to eat. Since we're both cost cutting, we eat at his house (his mom cooks very well), because I'm very hesitant to cook for him. I can't cook to save my life so I was afraid to feed Leo. However, we took a chance on my cooking. I prepared carbonara. I had all the ingredients at home, egg, pasta, even the bacon cubes. Leo went out to buy bread and I still had some fresh cheese.
Evidence posted below.


my first home cooked meal for Leo!


he looks happy that we're going to eat (i hate my cheeks!)

We left the house at almost 5 to go and check some electronic stuff. While we were out though, Leo wasn't feeling well, which prompted us to go straight back home. Italy is only now catching on to the idea of home delivery and I had gotten this flyer that says this pizza place delivers around the area and it was reasonably priced too. So we took the lazy option of calling in food.


ordering in


hhhmmmm....edible!

There was nothing to watch on cable tv so we rummaged through my DVD "collection" note to self and anyone else out there who reads this, please, if you want to give me gifts DVD's are most welcome! Just ensure that its compatible for Italy. Seriously, I feel so ashamed of what I have and I haven't been buying anything to increase it either. Darn, oh well, when and if I ever have the extra cash, I'm buying DVD's. We ended up watching "only you". Before we watched though, I brought out a gift for Leo - a toothbrush! It may not sound like much, but he now has his own toothbrush here at home. So if we ever order in again or I try to cook, he can be at home and brush his own teeth! That was the milestone for me. I'm hoping that we can really get married soon and live together. I've never been happier. Seriously. So we watched Only you, which he said was ok. After living in italy, not only did I understand the Italian used, but now I got the ironic jokes they were making in the movie. We snuggled on the "bed" and enjoyed each others company. I'm sorry he had to go back home at the end of the night.

dinner for one

so I got thinking about what you said Kari, and I'm tired of whining and I'm tired of saying I'll do things for myself and haven't still. This time, things are going to change....and it starts TODAY.

Well, technically, since Thursday. So inspired was I to want to do something for myself... I cooked food. And not food just because I have to eat it, I went to the grocery and bought something I thought I might like to cook and eat myself.



spaghetti arrabiata (spicy) with shirmps, freshly baked bread with fresh cheese.

:)

It was awesome!

hell ya!

you know how the damn car got hit kari, it was parked infront of the house!
that's how fucked up this whole period has been!
so screw all that! i'm sulking this week!
:P

and so it goes

so...
today i decided to go to the PRA to register the volvo.
i don't think i've stated it, but quite simply, i have some problems with the car
1. i need to register the volvo before we can do the transfer papers for the person who bought the car.
2. i need to have the car fixed before i give it off to the person who bought it
3. i need to register the corsa and do the transfer papers into my name.

its the whole process and financial aspect that weighs me down. to do the registration of the Volvo alone will cost me €700. the transfer papers which I'm thankfully not paying for is another €700. I don't even know how much fixing the car is going to cost me.
Lets not forget that I need to register the corsa which is €500 and then the transfer papers which I WILL be paying for another €500. Add them all up and you see I'll be having a very low budget christmas.

So this morning I went to the PRA to register the Volvo only to find out that the document I had from Manila wasn't good. So I had to send that back to my dad to fix. The carrozeria (mechanics) to fix the car was open on Saturdays which was the day Leo and I planned to take it for them to do an estimate. They're open on Saturdays, except for this Saturday! Argh! And its not like its just me taking the damn car, I need to series it because the battery is dead. I have to pay the rent for December and of course my bills, electricity, gas and telephone are quite heavy too. I think I have less than €200 to spend for a month, including gifts, groceries, etc. So I've opted for the cheap way out. I'm buying plant pots and just taking my plants (baby cactus') and giving them away. Hehehehe...times are tough! So those are my admin concerns at the moment and I hate it. Oh well. It'll get done, one way or another.

2 weeks

i can't believe it. i hardly believed leo when he said it.
in 2 weeks, 14 days, i'm turning 26.
and i'm not ready for that yet.
i know its silly, but i'm just not. i go into shock whenever i realize my age. i feel that life had expected more from me.
this isn't where i was supposed to be. in another lifetime, i would have been working 24/7 for an events company. i may have worked for an advertising company but that actually takes talent which i don't have. so lets just stick to events. i would have loved organizing events - it would have been great. but i'm here.
rome, occasionally (by that i mean every weekend) joined by leo, trying to cope with life. wonderful isn't it?
time to step it up. to live it up. to be free.
rashad is arriving tomorrow from zambia at 9am, i'm picking him up.
the house honestly is a mess.
oh well. i better get some shut eye.
oh, had lunch with kristine, brunch pala. and it was damn expensive!
argh!
it was ok, the place, Gusto. but the food was so, so.....
pics aren't as great as yours kari, but its my phone camera, i'm sure to be forgiven

Sushi with Steve

my hormones were raging.
i craved really deeply for sushi. there was one other person i knew in rome who craved sushi like me, so i called up steve!

connected!

Finally!
i made it back in to my yahoo account.!
*whew*
i thought i wasn't ever going to have it activated again.
now i can get a move on

this past week

It started out pretty ok.
Highlights?
Leo coming!
Dinner at thursday night with the "Tres Marias" (Maria Belen, Maria Luisa and Gloria)

Complaints?
My mom wants to give the red car to my brother.

Other news:

Leo and I were driving around and saw the phenomenon of the killer birds.... check this out



Killer Birds!




I've been watching a lot of E! lately, Dr.90210 and Sunset Tan to be exact, and when I say lately, I mean today (while I was sweeping and mopping in the house). Gosh, these people are obssessed with looks! I was alarmed when a woman walked into Sunset Tan with her possibly 8 year old daughter, and asked for a tan for the said daughter because the day after, was the day they took photo's of the students (for the yearbook, etc). The mom said that in the girl's picture the year before, she looked a little pale, so now, she wanted her daughter to be tanned!

Anyway, back to my ironing....

stop!

i should stop listening to what the other people tell me.
it shows that i'm not confident and that i don't know what i'm doing.
so here's the new deal.
i will get all the info first and then act. coz at this point i'm being a damn ping pong and it ain't great.

everything has an end right?

the alchemist

finished re reading the alchemist last night.
i think its one of those books you should re read periodically in your lifetime.
so last night, i prayed. i really prayed - i can't remember the last time that had happened.
it was good to cry too.
i guess i really am going nuts.
on other news. its almost kari's birthday. how you feeling hun?

kicked out

i have no idea why, but my yahoo account password has been changed!
argh!
funny thing, they sent a notification to my hotmail account that the password has been changed, but i don't know what it was!
oh no!
now what?

Thank you....

As you probably dont know, this has been a tough and trying week for me. On Wednesday, avoiding to crash into a car, I prayed so hard...to have Kuya Jess hold my hand, because I just can't do this anymore. I could not. Leo was able to get tickets to come this weekend.
:)

I love you Leo. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for rescuing me.

Wii

Thursday night I crashed at Steve's to play some tennis. But we've both been working really hard so we were hungry. After enduring traffic, and no parking, 30mins later (almot 7) we made it to his house. To remember, he didn't have food in it. We rushed over to the nearest supermarket.

We are so indecisive! We couldn't figure out what we wanted to eat. We just managed getting salami and cheese and pasta before the store closed.

Here's dinner:


Angle 1


Before the game

After which we played tennis til 10 :)
What? It was a school night, had to go home!

breathe....

its just ....

i can't breathe....

i know i've vented this out before...but it really is getting to me now.
i can't sleep properly. i can't get out of bed. all week this week. i couldn't get out of bed.
something is missing but i can't explain what.

its so much easier to be distracted. to lose myself. and i want to block all my responsibilites out.
yes, i know its life - you take the good with the bad and you grow from it.
and the bad isn't all that bad but i feel like i can't do it.

sink or swim, romel once told me.....
i'm fighting to swim, but its just not going there

whats worse than being all alone and feeling so isolated?
being surrounded by your supposed friends and still feeling so alone.
i just want to think of something stupid
i just want to think of escape....
i want to just curl up at home and cry,
a good old cry was the solution to everything. but i can't do that.
not while navigating on auto pilot.
but i want to.

i just want to stop.
go far, far away and then ....
i don't know.

i just know i can't be alone right now

My new phone!

Leo and I went to chill out and bought myself a new phone.

Check this out.




I'm so happy. I've been wanting a new phone forever, but I could never find something I wanted. Oops, now I need to do more chores. Just wanted to share.

Saturday: Spontaneous = Steve

I was not prepared for the day ahead.
Steve and I have been planning to go to IKEA for a while now. We finally got our chance last Saturday.
We met up at the train station near my house around 11.40 and our sojourn began.
I drove to the IKEA near my house. We were looking for closets for the poor man. He didnt have any.
We got to the IKEA but Steve couldn't find anything he liked. Weird moment came when a young girl was looking at me very intently as she crossed the room. Steve couldn't help but say, "looks like someone wants your digits". She was that blatant.
We didn't want to eat at IKEA so we thought of eating elsewhere. The thing about IKEA is that you enter the top part, all the furniture part and the ground floor is where everything else is. We went to IKEA thinking to buy Steve's closet and my candles, but of course, you can never just buy what you want at IKEA. We spent 3 hours there! We left IKEA at 3pm! Hungry and a bit more broke. Steve bought everything, a decanter, wine glasses, salt-pepper, oil-vinegar things, rugs, pans, EVERYTHING!
It was fun. We trooped over to Gulliver, my local mall and ate pizza! We shopped around and he got so amused by the €30 jacket. He had to check it out. It was shit quality but he considered it just because it was hip. so funny.
We headed over to my house coz I wanted him to check out something with my washing machine. The filter was stuck with soap and all, which is why the washing machine was leaking. I was so happy. Water that was stuck, flooded out.
Now for the unexpected part - I had to take Steve home because of the stuff he bought.
We were talking about the Wii which I've become curious about, turns out, he has it! I was so excited!
We got to his house around 6.30, he showed me the crib. We talked, and he let me train. I practised Tennis and it was a lot of fun! Around 7ish we played against each other. While we were playing, Steve was smoking a joint. I got really curious about it - so I asked if I could try it. He's so very willing. Except of course it tastes like ash, so I didn't like it. I probably didn't even do it properly. The Wii is very involving and at a certain point I even hit Steve's elbow! the poor guy!
He said it was just a matter of time as he could hear every now and then that my remote was passing by his ear.
We finished by 9pm and headed out to dinner. He's so in love with this Thai restaurant close to his house. When asked how far because I didn't want to drive anymore, he said we could walk but its a hassle, as its up another hill, we could take a bus but we would have to know the time or we could take his motorbike. I've never BEEN on one. So, I opted for the bike.
As it was my first time, Steve laid down the only rule "don't make abrupt movements" with that in mind, I remained as stiff as a board! The Thai Inn wasn't so bad, however it was really crowded. We finished dinner at 12!
I was ready to call it a night when Steve convinced me to hang out with his friends (girls) and just have a drink - although the original invitation was for drinks and clubbing!
I was undecided up until the last minute. I dropped Steve off, but since he was super late (totally my fault), I went to meet his friends and stay for a drink. I only had one double shot before we moved off to "the club" - La Maison. Before going in though, they had to light up. During all this, one of his girl friends was totally wasted and cabbed it home. It was around 2.30, the other friend was still hoping to go dancing, and Steve since the early afternoon has been going on and on about how he wanted to go dancing, i just tagged along. We couldn't get into La Maison, so we tried back to the area where they had lit up. The club had a dominatrix kind of theme, with red lights and waiters with half masks and whips. I got an awesome daiquri. The weird thing was, this place had crappy music and was showing hentai as entertainment. Yes, you read right. Hentai - japanese animated porn. The club closed shortly after our drinks so we tried our luck at La Maison. Unfortunately, it was really full. As we were walking away, there was another club near by, we went into that. It was already 3 am. We danced until 4ish then I took them home. By the time I made it to my house. It was 5am! and I was tipsy all over. I could barely coordinate myself. Needless to say, Sunday, I woke up at 5PM! (I actually woke up several times - I was so hung over, I just drank water and went back to sleep. I think it was the 2nd time I've ever had a hang over) Took a shower and watched Ratatouille with Kristine because I promised her we would. Slept and Monday was upon us again.
I had lots of fun, but I don't think I'd do that again any time soon.

This day sucks

Kari, you're my IDOL....you are who I wish I could be: Talented, creative, smart, beautiful, great to be with.....
(and yes, I know you were just kidding, but I couldn't resist the pouty face). Addie, Alexandra is the *hero* because she's made our dream a reality (not the actual events business) but she's put up her own business thats doing well BEFORE 30.... is married with a beautiful baby girl just born months ago. She's got Angelina Jolie and Courtney Cox in tow, she's got UK singers and actresses. She's doing very well - and is mentioned in Shopaholic and baby guide.

I got home from a useless day at work. To find that the car that I've been keeping here has been hit. The lady was supposed to get it from me 3 months ago! and well, she hasn't. I moved the car on Saturday because this old man (neighbour) told me so. I moved it to a spot that bamn! today, when I got home, has this awful dent



Then I had to move the car to a safe spot, but the car wouldn't start. The battery was dead. Well, it hasn't been started in the past 2 weeks. How the hell was I to know that was going to die on me? All in all, it hasn't been a great to start to the the week.

catherdal in brussels

meet the herce's

the reason why my mom didn't get so upset when she found out i was in brussels was because she asked me to host the herce's.
they left last sunday, but with so many things going on, i didn't get a chance to blog.
they are really nice people and i had a good time while they were here. they reminded me a lot of my parents, in the funny way.

my *hero*

she is amazing....

http://www.alexandrabee.com/

at the age of 28, she's become a top bag designer, with celebrities praising her work and being her devoted fan.

she is, the wife of my boss.

both great people.

some guys have all the luck (brains, looks and money and talent!)

blogging from the office

just in case i forget sometime in the future, why i've been blogging like crazy today...
i can actually blog from work!
i'm so happy about that, i wasn't able to for a while, so i had to keep blogging from the house.
now i can blog normally
:)
yipee!

everyone's life but mine

i was looking through steve's photos ....
and realized, that although i had pitied (*sigh* my arrogance) the guy for being a bit low profile at work...he had a life and friends.
he went out to make memories.
not only am i low profiled at work.
i have no life.
damn it.
i have a wish list, right?
i will make things happen.

dear shady...

i miss you
....

and i can say that honestly and be certain you wouldn't misunderstand that statement

you know mayra is out.
i am trying to make new friends....
but really, i give up, because they all leave at one point or another...
oh, and weird thing:
check this out, we (mayra and i) had met kevin spacey's best friend who works here
the guy is cool, steve (if you've heard of him) we met him way before the summer, i'm not sure if i ever mentioned it.

i swear, whenever something brings up my insecurity personified or kevin spacey (more of the former) i get butterflies in my stomach.
the thought of her alone is enough to make me queasy....

come home shady, and this time i want to get drunk....
and hang out
and remember that there is such a thing as life and friends...

i come home to an empty house.
tonight, (around 6ish) i will start ironing my clothes and use the internet.
and wait for my boyfriend to come home so we can talk....
and then go to sleep
so i can wake up the next morning and do everything all over again.

whats your life like?

me & leo

On Leo's birthday we tried walking to the Grand Place (tall, pointy, lighted building behind us)


The view behind Leo's office (he's on the 22nd floor!)


The hands of fate


I walked down the street on the left


Cathedral

Photo blog

Birthday Lunch, Leo comes home at lunch time to share a quick birthday lunch with me!




This is my first venture out of his building. He lives in a very busy area!


How do I rotate the damn thing?


The birthday afternoon|

Today!

I got up late today (although I still had to get up at 8 when Leo left to lock the door). Since Kari's post of krispy kreme's, I've been wanting to have a donut! We don't have much in Rome (otherwise I don't know where I'm looking) but I know you can have doughnuts in Brussels! I didn't get around to buying one yet, but on Leo's way home yesterday, he remembered that I said I wanted to buy some and you know what? on his way home yesterday, he bought me doughnuts and waffles!
:)
So I just had my breakfast.
I need to fix my things and get ready to leave by 2.30ish, I'm heading back to Rome. I'm meeting Leo at the airport, since he's coming straight from work.
I've had so much fun here (albeit, not as much fun as I would have wanted being so cold and rainy)but I have to head back to work. I'm glad I took these 3 days off to be with Leo, see where he lives and stuff. Very cool. I can't wait for the day that we're living together. But so many things have to happen first before that.

yesterday, today and tomorrow

so yesterday was Leo's birthday.
With all my daydreams of coming to Brussels to take care of Leo (make him breakfast, etc) I can tell you, when Leo woke me up to lock the door after he went to work (at almost 9ish) I crawled back into bed and STAYED there until 11.30.
his house is cosy (well, its a residence and not really a proper appartment) I took a shower and Leo came over for lunch! He brought food from outside so we could eat! we had a good time and then Leo went back to work. At 2.30ish, I decided to go out because I wanted to get Leo some stuff for his bathroom. I'm very proud of him, he's organized in his house and cleanish over all. But his bathroom was very bare and the tub needed scrubbing. I headed out confident, which was silly because I didn't know where I was going or that it was cold! I had forgotten that about Brussels. I walked as far as I could go, and found that Leo wasn't kidding when he said it was expensive. I finally made it to the Moroccan guys store and I bought the cleaning stuff I needed. I even bought the deodorizing thing for the toilet (you know when you flush), scrubbed the tub, dusted the surfaces and cleaned his mirrors. He was very happy when he got home! We opened his present (the french learning material I gave him) and his parents card. He was very happy. :)
We celebrated his birthday by eating in Pizza Hut! :) that was awesome! I really missed Pizza hut!
We wanted to walk to the Grand Place but it was so windy outside we made it less than half way and turned back! Leo got a lot of calls from Greece and his parents while we were out and even at home. while eating at pizza hut, his ex made his phone ring. Leo didn't have credit so he didn't call her back. He did panic a bit, because we were home opening his gift and Portugal (the ex) sent him an sms, "I arrived. I'm coming home" that's all she said. Leo was like, lets go quick, before she comes over. She knows where I live! Crazy Leo. He says there isn't anything there, so who am I to judge?
today I had lunch at Leo's office. I got up shortly after he left for work,as I wanted to go around the grand place and just chill. have a belgian waffle, walk, take pictures. My mom sent me an email. I added my brother onto Leo's skype list. When I got out of the shower, ralph and left a message on Leo's sykpe asking if I was here, because mom called the OFFICE and they told her I was here. Its all good. I wasn't really keeping it a secret. I just didn't have the time to tell them. Anyway, we had a long chat and before I knew it, it was almost 12. Leo had asked me to leave at 12 so I could be at his work by 12.15ish. It was 4 metro stops away. The sun was actually shinning today. I was so happy. That didn't really last when I stepped out. It was so damn windy and cold! The sun didn't help that much. I saw Leo's office (pictures to follow later), on the 22nd floor!
It's really impressive, outside his window you can see Central Brussels.
I spent the afternoon, aimlessly walking around, finding the Grand Place and the peeing statue.
I walked home tired and exhausted, but at least I bought all the pasalubongs I wanted too.
Tomorrow (i.e. today,) I'll post about separately.
I love Leo so much, I can't believe how happy I am, and how happy he makes me.

as you probably didn't know

I'M IN BRUSSELS!!!!
wait, let me say that again,
I MADE IT TO BELGIUM!!!!

*rewind the past 48 hours*

remember the grand birthday surprise plan for leo? the one main obstacle was that i wasn't allowed to travel without my documentation, which to this date hasn't arrived. 3 weeks ago, I gave up on the idea of coming since I didn't have the documentation. so I told Leo the idea and he was so happy I was planning to come, he was so optimistic, he was saying, "grace, maybe you'll get it and you can still come" Monday morning. with no news of my documentation, Leo writes me this email saying, "I'm still hoping for the miracle that you'll get it today" He who doesn't lack in faith, will always see the window open when the door is shut. I tend just to stare at the door, he would nudge me so I could see the window. Anyway,after telling everyone about my problem, Jill (bless her) overheard me talking about this problem and she showed me the police state's website, and it was written that people who are still waiting for their permesso's to be renewed may travel around the european states until the 30th of October.
I was jumping with joy. I made my leave slip, told Elena (when she came back) that I could actually travel and I was going from Wednesday to Friday. She was happy for me(off you go) and I handed my leave slip to Rob, which he signed (they're very cool at the office), and suddenly, I was overwhelmed. I had tasks to finish, the volunteer wasn't doing too well, and I had to pack!
I stayed until 6ish finishing what I could. I went to Kristine's house to get my endorsement letter for the car and sped home. As soon as I got in, I took in all the laundry hanging outside and watered the plants. Leo was going to call soon, and I was going to push through with the surprise! I closed up everything, made myself Carbonara (which sucked coz I used too much garlic and pasta! tragedy....*tsk*tsk*). I spoke to Leo around 9.30ish, by our standards, that's late. so we talked and I had to resist the urge to tell him. We talked about other things instead. It was 11.30 when he tucked me into bed, and I had to resist the urge to sleep. I haven't packed yet! I finished packing and everything by 1.30. But I couldn't sleep. So much so, that by 6.30 I was awake. It was good because I was planning to leave the car infront of the office. However, when I arrived at 8am, parking on the street infront of the office was already full! ARGH! So I parked by the other building. Let me also insert that on Monday afternoon, after I confirmed that I was leaving, I wrote an email to Leo's parents asking them if they had anything for him. I didn't receive a reply from the dad, so I assumed they didn't want to send anything. I mentioned in the email, if they had anything I would pass by at lunch time to get it.
Now Tuesday lunch was a bit messy. There's this Kenyan lady who prepares the most amazing samosas ever! Really! and she was coming at Tuesday lunch and we were just having a little get together. In the morning, Leo's dad called me to tell me that they have a card and if I could pick it up from their house. Since, I offered I couldn't say anything. The day was going to bad, I needed to reserve / buy Rob's ticket to Khartoum, deadline was on Tuesday, among other things. Fortunately, Mayra was going to take me the airport. i waited for the kenyan woman to arrive (edith) so I could pay her brought the food upstairs, stole one samosa and ran to the car in the other building to go to Leo's house to pick up the card, talk to the mom and explain why everything was last minute (in italian!) and head back to the office. Fortunately, at the end of the day around 5.40ish) I got the ride with Mayra. That woman can DRIVE! Shames our jeepney drivers, really. my flight was at 8.40, so i was there 2 hours before, 6.40 (thanks to Mayra's driving). The queue fortunately wasn't too long, however, I forgot to purchase check in luggage when I bought the ticket, so the guy told me I had to pay at the ticket center, whose queue was the opposite of what I just left. If it had taken me 20mins to check in, the payment queue took an HOUR! seriously!
It was all ok, because the bigger picture was I was going to see Leo! Leo's parents were so nice, the loved the Idea that I would go and see Leo on his birthday, so he doesn't have to celebrate his birthday alone in a strange city. The dad was really concerned though, he was like, what time will you arrive to the airport, how will you get to brussels, and if you encounter any delay, let me know so we can arrange with Leo that he met you. Its better that way, otherwise you'll be surprised when you get there and spend the night in the airport! His parents are so cool! Anyway, true enough, instead of boarding at 8.10 which got pushed back to 8.30 until I saw they changed it til 9, I had to tell Leo. So I called him up and said, I'm arriving tonight. He's like, really? I told him, I'd explain later everything, but my flight has been delayed til 9, etc. He was so happy that I was coming. We did have the fear that I wouldn't be able to catch a bus because the last bus was at 11.30 (from Charleroi to Brussels) and infact, because I had checked in luggage and everything, I got out by 12.05. Leo in the meanwhile had sent me sms' in directing me to where I could buy the bus ticket and even to find the bus! So it was very awesome. and very fortunately for me, I caught the bus! (Leo wasn't able to go to the airport because he missed the last bus from Brussels) we made it into Brussels at 1am! And Leo was at the stop waiting for me! :)
It was funny, because his parents were still calling him at that time, asking if I had arrived safely. :) We got to his house around 1.45 and he had bought me some mcdonalds as a snack, in case I was hungry. We ate and I greeted him a happy birthday! It was 2.30 when we finally went to bed.

question

just how important is religion?
personally, i believe in a higher being. i believe in God.
I believe in Mama Mary, Jesus, the angels and the saints.
I've also beein reading up about the orthodox church.
I knew I could never be with someone who would give up their religion for me, and I would never give up my religion for theirs.
but as leo and I talk more of a life together, I wonder what we will end up doing. how will we get married.
which religion should the kids be baptized in.
do i really still want to be catholic?
with what i've been thru (using it as an excuse) i never lost my faith in up above. I lost faith in the institution. i lost faith with humans (some) but never lost faith in HIM. Although, I'm hardly a model catholic. I skip church, intentionally. I don't make time to pray.
it is important for me to have faith, it is important for me to have someone with me that shares the same kind of values and tradition, honestly and the inner sense to be a good person. you don't have to be catholic, greek orthodox or even muslim to understand the basics of a good person.
so what should i do?

blast from the past

i should be making my dinner now,
i should be doing my spanish homework.
i logged onto facebook to find kuya and what do i see....
suzie with tomas fontano, my first crush!
it was funny because the last time i saw suzie (must have been senior year of hs. coz it was in the new house) she was like, how can you like him, he's so pangit.
granted, he's still not good looking in the photo i saw them with, but i was jolted with a longing for a different high school memory.
i wished so bad that i could have been there, i could have grown up with them. i wish my high school experience wasn't one wherein i felt so inadequete and out of place.
coming home to the philippines should have been like being putting on a perfectly fitted glove.
and i love the friends, i've made in h.s. the true ones (you're one of them kari, although i think we became more close during college)and i can count that with one hand, but all the rest. it was AWFUL.
i have facebook and keep intouch with my h.s. uk friends there and realized how much i've missed out and how i wish i could be part of that.
that's all i'm saying.

the difference between you and me

so i don't know if she was serious. could be, maybe, maybe not.
well, i'll just keep my distance and not distract her so much.
its my own fault anyway.
and when she gets over her temper, it'll all be fine.

just shows how much i miss you and certain situations (like being in a
"class") reminds me of the good memories of being with you..
and how i wish i could take those happy moments with me always. and make
each reminder, a fond memory to go back to.

i apologized. i apologized for being me. and that is so wrong.
you know how there are people who just bring out different sides of you.
there is amina, who i don't really know well, but whenever i see her, she just makes me feel so comfortable, i can and i end up talking to her about anything. there are other people, that bring out the silly side, there are people that you just can't get along with.
without meaning to, i got on her nerves.and so she uttered, leave me alone. i wasn't sure when she first said it if she was joking or not. she did speak to me after that - she asked a question, but for the remainder of the class, i hardly acknowledged her presence and that was difficult seeing that she was right beside me. and we're doing spanish together.
but as i said, i'll let her temper blow over and it'll be fine.

i apologized for being me. my great insecurity highlighted by a person who didn't know any better.
if i showed myself to my friends (which is why i'm not completely open to people, i have my different shades, but not the full colored me) i would most probably annoy them and i would be friendless. this person saw a shadow of a shade and was annoyed.

*sigh*
you cant win them all, but would you want to?

Wish list....

"Form a goal in your mind and if you believe in it enough, the universe will conspire to give it to you."
I can't tell if its from The Alchemist, because I remember reading something along this line there, or from a different source, but THANKS KARI for this line.

Grace (Fuentes) came up with a list of things she'd want to do before 30.
I guess that's much better than making a generic wish list with no deadline. At least with a deadline you can make it happen more than wishful thinking.
So here's my list (before 30? maybe before i get married! hehehe)

to go wall climbing
learn salsa dancing!
learn to ski (even just one season)
learn spanish well.
go to madrid and read in their library our history written in their point of view
go to sweden!
see the northern lights.
explore the rest of europe.
go to africa!
see the pyramids of egypt!
go to mexico!
see Machu Picchu!
diving and surfing!

before turning 35 i want to get a second undergrad degree - and maybe pursue a masters
my events business will maybe always be the unattainable dream

what do you want to do?

Alex...

oh, along with my thoughts about marriage and anto and me and her and whatever,
because people at work are giving me a hard time about getting married (well, anto is 30! so really, no rush for me!)
here's a guy who is taking it slow
now, i don't believe in judging my friends.
so i'll try and share this as non-judgemental as i can.
alex is pushing 30 (ok, fine, he's turning 29 this october)
his girlfriend, when they first got together (they got together late last year, overlapping with another girl, but that's a different story) and well, she just graduated HIGH SCHOOL!
did that just freak you out or what?
guy who is 29 is dating a HIGH SCHOOL student. now, well, its different. funny how words can change things. now she's a university student. so that doesn't sound so bad right? 29 year old guy and a university girl.
but hello?!
what are we doing with relationships when we pass a certain age.
i mean, i could be completely wrong and this is a relationship that he really wants to work on, but he'll have kids at 35ish if he's lucky. plus, its also not fair for the girl, because she's still growing up and he's old already. not mature, but old.
am i overreacting?
is it just me?

before or after the romance

i had coffee with anto today.
she finally told me her engagement story.
i've met the guy, he's really nice. and from what elena can gather, rich too!
hahahaha
they were walking along the park and he told her that he had a surprise for her but she had to close her eyes, he put his arm around her with his hand at her eye level and asked her to open her eyes.
When she opened them there was a box in his hand. She opened it and there was the ring!
:)
In celebration (I think) they, went to Rhodes, Greece a trip at his expense and chose a great (5 star) hotel and paid for it all.
He swept her off her feet.
They will get married on 27 September 2008.
The guy already has a house too. Its currently being rented out (as he needed the extra cash I think) but the tenant moves out at the end of the year. So all of next year, they have time to renovate and furnish the house.
Gosh, when some things are meant to be, they just all fall into place don't you think?

Now, Leo and I have talked about the future. Which is great. You know, planning the kids and everything, but I wonder if I've forfeited the surprise of getting married.
I'm a romantic through and through and I would want the most romantic proposal, and the most unexpected one. But if we've talked about it...what does that mean? Will I still ever have it? Will my fairy tale be complete?

the email that was never sent

well, my stories have always been here if you've ever wanted to read them.
i can't believe guys just don't know how to listen, and it applies to everyone who has something hanging in between their legs (straight or gay).
oh and addie *girlish squiming* you owe galdys a kwento!
*eyes start rolling here*
noone is perfect adds, not even our dream guys.
but at least he should have the basic qualities you require, otherwise, i don't understand how it can work!
let me take a stab at this, intellect, sense of humour and patience,
player!
liar, vain, stupid?
he is wallowing in self pity,
because he doesn't have a job,
he blames my mother
and it hurts me because he says he HATES her....

these kids, they don't understand from the parental point of view.
my mother would want to provide for his masters, she really does,
but he is pissed off that they can't afford it,
he says his life is screwed because of them....

because we can't afford it, what am i missing here?!

i wub you

with all the ups and downs and insecurities in between, its a wonder why leo doesn't just dump me
of course, he doesn't know most of the up, down, and insecurities,
but the weekend was awesome....
:)
i got flagged down by the police on my way to ciampino....second time! but it was the carabinieri, and so as soon as he saw the CD plates he let me go....
i ran into a british asian couple who where late for their flight and instead of going to departures, ended up at the arrivals.
friday night was spent near piramide, we had dinner, there.... and then saturday, we had a full day! we passed by conad to get some stuff, and i had called celia telling her to make carbonnara. so we had lunch at home, and rested up. we waited for federico to show up. he's the story i just don't want to talk about because he gets me so aggravated with just the thought.
We left around 5 to go to his house and finally take a step towards the plan we've been talking about, we bought a bike!
:)
We've been talking about biking but we never got the chance to. Leo has one, but I dont. Well, I didn't. Now I do! In anycase, we bought one and we struggled to bring it back home. Once home, we had to struggle to get it working coz some things fell off. After probably an hour, we got it to work and then, we went biking! Not too far away, we found a small ground wherein I could practice biking without cars. I was very shaky at first but I think I got the hang of it. Leo was so patient with me. I'm so happy (and pleasantly surprised!). I mean, come on guys, really, who would really take the time and help me remember to learn how to bike and we can just go biking? In anycase, Leo is coming back next Friday and well, we're going to biking some more! I can't wait. I left my bike, in their storage space. I don't have any here.
Anyhoo....he watered the plants and I watched TV. He talked to his parents in greece and I still watched tv. Unfortunately, his parents were sick in Anthens and the sad part was that everyone is on vacation, even most of the hospital staff!
We had dinner out and then i decided to sleep at his house. It was ok. The bed wasn't as comfortable, but at least I was with Leo - that was the main thing.
:)

Disturbia!

Watched this movie last night with Kristine.
It was a lot of fun to watch even though you could already predict what was going to happen. The thrill and the surprises, were all there.
Italy shows movies late here, but if you didn't get to see this movie.
Go see it and enjoy!

take a hint?

the thoughts in my head are all jumbled up.
conversation with leo.
portugal will be in brussels on her birthday (13 oct) instead of rome, and would leo please accompany her to this event her parents will be going to on that day.
portugal is flying to brussels (she's in portugal now) probably around the 25th of september. Leo's birthday is on the 26th.
So they'll pretty much celebrate together.
and leo's great comment tonight, it would be more difficult to be friends if she was a hot girl. (because she's gained weight) he said i would probably react much worse if she was hot. for me, its the same, its still his ex. once you cross that line, you can't be friends.
well, i'm a romantic, so i believe in summer loves, being the ones that was never given the chance to bloom properly.
that's one problem.
the other one was. two weeks ago, just like that, i bought tickets to go to brussels on the 25th of september returning to rome on the 28th (i booked even the same time as leo, and ryanair, because i thought we could fly back together). i'm not sure if i'll even get my permit to stay by that time, but i chanced it. the cost was reasonable and so i thought, hey! here's an opportunity to surprise him.
and obviously in my paranoid, pessimistic mind i thought, what if she goes to brussels before me and they make plans. should i still go? in my head i was thinking that i probably wouldn't show myself anymore and i'd just stay in a hotel and watch them or something sick and sad like that.
however, i thought to myself, that's just not going to happen.
but now...
why tell him i'm planning to go if its not certain. at least now he can make his own plans. and if he decides to make them, i can't do anything about it. i can tell him last minute, at least its a for sure thing i'd be telling him, nevertheless that ruins the point of a surprise. what to do, what to do.
maybe i shouldn't go.
but if i don't get my permit anyway, i wouldn't be able too even if i wanted to. so...what to do.
he loves me i know!
he's coming again this weekend, he's really trying.....
but if its not me... maybe i should just start letting to ....not trying too hard because, well, i don't think i could do too well with the blow.
i know i've decided not to tell him unless i know i'm going.
but when he told me earlier,
"promise not to get mad, she's flying to brussels on the 25th" - so they'll be celebrating his birthday with her. i started to cry. silently of course, he went to sleep knowing everything was fine. i'm still freaking out. i had that sick, twisted, unrealistic thought in my head and well, here it is, coming through! hurrah!
i didn't tell anyone my plans, just as well, i think i got hurt with the kristine thing, but its all good. i'm past that. i'm past sari too.
so i'm all alone, and i'm not sure if i can even be there on my beloveds birthday. ah well, at least he won't be alone on his birthday.......
ps: portugal was supposed to be in rome on her birthday coz she's studying her right? and she complained to leo that she'll be alone. he said sorry, but i'm not coming home that weekend, for some reason, even now in august, that weekend is just too expensive. her response, ok maybe i'll get my boyfriend to come over. whats up with that? what does that mean?
so then she tells him, hurrah, she won't be alone on her birthday because she's flying to brussels, but her parents have a dinner and would he be so kind to keep her company so she's not alone and bored there?

just me

I'm so confused.
I don't know why really (which adds to the confusion).
Its normal that they would ask things from me, but did they have to ask it so soon?
I thought my "money" problems would be over and I could breathe a bit more, but it seems like its far from over. And I have noone to talk to about this, because they don't get the point of view of our culture. Or they don't want to comment because it is a family matter.
August and September will be very tight months hoping to breath in October and then of course, if it happens, Ralph will be here too. Will it not stop? Is there no end to this obligation? I will one day reflect on these times and know the path I chose was where I did all that was asked from me.
I feel like autopilot half the time, when i finally have time for myself I don't know what to do. I wish I had more days like those so i could rediscover what it is I like.
I've given up, and I did the unmentionable, just so Ralph can come.
I hope this is worth it.

The perfect weekend

I must say, I guess I really did have nothing to worry about.
I can't imagine a better weekend then being with Leo.
I must admit though, I can't wait til we get married, for the romantic and practical reasons.
It was a full weekend though. I arrived at Ciampino at 6.30 but read my book and at 7.50 parked in the proper parking space thinking that Leo would be out by 8.30 anyway. Plus parking was €3/hour. So that's pretty expensive. Unfortunately, Leo's flight was delayed by half an hour. I only had €10 for the WEEKEND, and well, €6 went to parking. On our way back, the short half hour way was closed so I had to drive an hour! from the airport to his house. We've talked about having Greek food for so long, after stopping by the house we went to Trastevere to find it closed!

We looked for Mapi, the restaurant we had gone to for Leo's brothers girlfriends gradution. Fortunately, they were open and at 11pm, accomodating! :) We ate our pizza and went home.

I got up around 9 the next morning but didn't leave til around 10.30 to go and feed Eetu, Kristine's cat. I was feeling so tired. Anyway, I fed Eetu, and made my way to a do-it yourself car wash. Of course, it was broken. So I went to Leo's house. We had lunch at this small place near his house that took food coupons, for half of the total amount. It was great! We were both broke and it helped us save money :) It was 3 by the time we left and we decided to get the car washed, lo and behold. The one Leo was going to, was closed. But since we were heading in the general direction of the Oviesse (next on our errand list anyway) we headed there. We bought him his undershirts he likes so much. On our way back to the house, we saw a car wash that was opened! We got the car washed and then, he told me he promised Portugal to check out her school. Therefore, we headed to the Center! (after of course trying to go to a shoe store, because Leo wanted to check out shoes, but the store was closed-no surprise there) We found the school but was baffled that it was called Valle Giulia, when he was expecting a different name. We walked around the area for a bit. We were then heading towards the Vatican for some ice cream (it was around 7 by now) and he said he really wanted to see the sea.
So we headed toward Ostia. We saw the most perfect pale sunset....I can't describe it. Any way I would still wouldn't do it justice. We walked along the sea shore, our bare feet getting wet by the waves rushing to the shore. It was a pleasant walk, just listening to the sea, watching the sun set and the moon rise. Feeling the warm water on our feet. We even ran into a beach turtle!


the happy couple on the shores of ostia


just in case it didn't come out well


Leo and the beach Turtle!

We headed back to Rome by 9 and had dinner near his house. I loved the Salami! We only had one plate of apetizers and one pizza, yet we weren't able to finish them! We headed home to water the plants and other house related stuff.
I got up by 7ish this morning to take him to the airport. I had left him walking into security check at 9.15. I'm really feeling tired now. Very sleepy. I will leave at 6.30 though to feed Eetu again. Celia is out, until late. Maybe I can have an early night.
I'm feeling a bit sad though, because Leo's dad went to the hospital. I hope he feels better soon.

Dear Mayra,

my mood was just raging last night and i had so many things i wanted to vent about to you today, but i came in (early this time!) and got straight to work, i'm still working, so i didn't get time to vent.
now seems like a good time though:

so what if she went to the EC yesterday and had lunch with him.
so whaf if they still enjoy each others company...
so what if is is overly considerate in asking, oh, so was grace ok with the whole weekend? (and other questions like, is grace ok with me studying in rome, is grace ok with me hanging out with you here at home)
so what if he actually answered the first question honestly (Which was the little kinda fight we had wednesday night)
so what if she is coming over to rome to study
so what's the big deal when she and her dad comes over (to help her move and stuff) has dinner with leo and his parents right

did i mention i was insecure and psychotic and maybe in my insecure mind am thinking that maybe these two would actually be better suited to each other: speaks greek, both greek orthodox, has same values, traditions and cultural background.

in the most secret part of my heart, despite the fact that i know i love him and he loves me....i can't help but wonder, what if there was a girl better suited for him...and its not me?

ksp ka lang talaga

so what it boils down to is that kulang lang ako sa pansin.
i need a hobby.
i need a life.

Thank you for your love

As you can tell, I was extremely unreasonable last night. You're right Adds, hold on to his love. And of course I didn't.
So the poor guy comes home to a very hostile me.I played it off first as me being asleep and was woken up.
He could already tell something was wrong, but I kept insisting nothing was. And so he was thanking me for my patience and support because I give him time. Its a particular period, etc. Part of me melted in happiness, the other which was very present last night was a warfreak....and so the poor man got assulted. He was like, wait for me, (my response, we'll see) coz the relationship is worth it (maybe). Then he started to lose it.
Grace, please don't be so cold, when I love you so so so much. The most I managed to say last night was Ok. In the end we hung up and I tried to control the tears. 5 minutes later he called me back. He was so sad. He wanted to know what was wrong. Before I could say anything, he thanked me again for my patience to which I replied, what if I'm running out of patience. He said (without missing a beat) you need to tell me so I can do everything I can, not to lose you.
aaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
then he started dreaming our dreams of having kids and taking them to the park and asking me what color of the bike we'd buy for our baby boy and baby girl. He told me that he's far away trying to build our future (parang OFW di ba?) because of all the things I want for our kids, which he wants too!
He told me to tell him when I feel that my patience is running thin versus only saying it when its absolutely run out, so he can try and be with me here, because I matter to him.
:)
I'm getting watery eyed just thinking about it.
I'm really lucky to have such a guy. Granted it was my own fault for obssessing. If it happened that I was out with friends being busy while he was too, of course I wouldn't mind it. Malas lang nya, nasa bahay lang akong the whole day. Anyway, what else did I want to say?
Oh, yeah, I was saying that I was really lucky, because apparently Jay and Ida have hit hard times. And she's quite upset but can't do much because they're neighbours. *sigh* oh well, I know at the end of the day, it will always be me, and the family (when the time comes) so what more do I really want?

Waiting the second time around

I don't know what he's thinking, but really...Ok, granted, they met up at 7.30, for who knows how long, even celia isn't home yet. Which is fine by me. As long as I know she's ok. She gets a bit too hyper, that's too much talking for me.
But if my dowload finishes, which is currently at 61%, and prison break is over (ends in about 15 minutes)....
Oh, did I mention they are home alone. His home. Anyway, he said we'd talk tonight. I hate it when he says that....
That's that we got into this morning at 3am. He says he won't be out long, he'll be home before the metro closes (metro closes at 11 or 12) I called him past 12, he was apparently still at the irish pub and he was having a good time. He sent an sms at 3am to let me know he was home. Unfortunately, my phone had the vibrate on and well....i woke up and then I told him all this. He was nice, he said he understood where I was coming from. So we were cool. He said he'd let me know from time to time. Now its 11. I need to get up by 6.30 tomorrow for work. I have got a lot to do, and only tomorrow to do it in.
I'm not going to wait around.
Prison break is over.
phone rings it's kristine.
the file stopped downloading. so that will be for a different day.
Leo sends an sms now, Hi Baby we're almost done looking at house on the internetm so in a bit I'll bring her home. For anything call me on my cell. I have no credit. Love you.
Now, before he had sent this sms, I was determined to just crawl into bed and force sleep without bidding him good night. I'm still tempted.
Gosh, I really can't wait when she does make it over here. Lets just see how that works. I know he's so kind. He will eventually have to spend some time of the weekend with her, here in rome. I haven't made up my mind about meeting her. Yesterday before the night out, I was ok with the idea. Now, not so much.
Someone shot me please.

all is well

there was a bit of a hiccup with the end of the night, but other than that everything was fine....
so there really wasn't any reason for me to worry.
so now that's over *whew*
lets just enjoy the relationship

In fairness

He came home around 6ish and we talked.
He constantly reassures me. He said he really wasn't interested and it was like meeting up with a guy friend. Really.
Thanks for your support kari, it made me smile
:)
I trust him. Now that initial phase is over and he's back out again with her and his colleague, well, now, its nothing but trust.
I do actually feel better now. If he's seen her and been in touch with her and doesn't feel attracted to her, well, then I've got nothing to worry about
*whew*

Over reacting

Damn right!
She (the EX) has made contact with Leo. She is in the same city as he is...and guess what? They're meeting up. Hazy for tonight. Most probably tomorrow. While he is actually going out with a colleague and his wife to see the city. It's a double date!
Now, just so I make sure I've dug the knife deep enough.
This is the girl he had met before his leg problem some years back, and they had the greatest summer together. Sing to the Tune of Truly, Madly, Deeply (Imagine the part where they sing bathe with you in the sea *sigh*). The relationship ended because the summer ended. They did stay in touch during the year while he had the leg problem and he always thought of her as the best memory that made him endure the whole thing. Next summer, they meet up again, and surprise, surprise, start off where they had left things.
And so....this slightly bothers me. Remember CP people? Just got out of a relationship, so did I lets give it a try we were hitting it off quite well, I was sort of feeling things for him...and guess what people...his EX showed up into his life again and he comes over to my house and tells me i'm sorry, but i really want to give her another chance so I kick him out and he has the audacity to even ask me, "don't you want to talk about this?" what was there to talk about! he had made up his mind. he felt sorry because we had a thing going, but well, you can't have everything in life.
fastforward to the present day.
YES, I KNOW! we shouldn't blame our present love for mistakes of the past. so....i can blame the careless remark leo had made while we were on our way to Prestwick airport because I was heading back to Rome.
Did I ever tell you what he said? He said, I wouldn't know how I would react if I saw her again.
Basta.
He tried to explain that what he meant was, for anyone who has ever been important in your life, if you haven't seen them for a long time you become a bit of everything, apprehensive, excited, nervouse. and he put the question to me, if there was anyone you didn't see for a long time, wouldn't you feel the same way?
Wouldn't you?
Well, the situation is this, she is now his "friend", he has reassured me time and again, he isn't interested in her, he has great self control should the situation occur (oh yipee!) and he loves me. So lets see how this weekend plays out. Remember, she's still coming over here to do her exchange student studies....