sooooo after taking the high road and trying to be nice, neo was upset at me. how dare i think the message i sent.
after me being upset, he still has the nerve to be mad at me
this.is.so.draining.
i tried to make a truce with him. he's super upset. there's nothing to talk about. so now i'm going to try again. just going to leave a message as he probably is in the gym now. and this is what i have to do to fix things.
ugh.
Thank goodness for Andy Stanley and faith. When its tough, I pray. somehow it makes it better. this is going to take a lot of prayers though. i guess i better start now.
i'm being childish and i know it.
and one of my biggest flaws is that i don't communicate once something is bothering me. i let it fester.
i let it eat me up alive until i'm so consumed with my point of view that i just get upset and irrational and unreasonable.
but luckily a chance conversation with a friend brought me to the above video. and i took deep breaths and decided to believe the best.
so i sent him a message and told him, next time when i call can you try to stop what you're doing. last night bothered me. and i guess he's upset now at me that i brought it up and it took me so long to say anything.
dear future me,
this is what happened last night, in case you forget and you need perspective
mom is driving you nuts. you're in your, i'm getting ready to move forward stage and well, she's expressing her needs and opinions. she came and you thought to visit. she has intended to move in.
and the gym that's about to open has called you because mom wants you to go. and we went to see an apartment and she wanted to go see it too but she also wanted to pick up jordan and she couldn't do both. she wanted to give an opinion on her future house. you were tired when you got home and you were greeted by mom who told you that she took meanne out with her and they were looking for new cabinets because she wants her clothes to be hanging, etc etc. you just looked at her.
then you wanted to talk to ciccio, but he was busy at work and i was calling him to have the kids say good night but he was talking to the neighbors, but when he was free you were having dinner with mom.
so at 10.30 tired, you tried calling him he was at the gym at he wouldn't stop what he was doing. between treadmill or biking, he was out of breath. so for 5 minutes he was just panting. you hung up.
then it really bothered you and all the little things that have been bothering you that you didn't say anything about came boiling out and you wrote it in your notes. that helped you feel a bit better but you were still upset.
now, you've watched andy stanley and you've calmed down. and then we go back up to the part where you sent him a message.
i feel much better now. as i was able to say what bothered me without making a drama and sticking to the point.
i'll get better at this eventually. just got to keep on trying
