weird timing

i dont know why i have this song in my head but it wont let me go....

Imagine Dragons
Bad Liar

Oh, hush, my dear, it's been a difficult year
And terrors don’t prey on innocent victims
Trust me, darlin', trust me darlin'
It’s been a loveless year
I'm a man of three fears
Integrity, faith and crocodile tears
Trust me, darlin', trust me, darlin'

So look me in the eyes, tell me what you see
Perfect paradise, tearin' at the seams
I wish I could escape, I don't wanna fake it
Wish I could erase it, make your heart believe

But I'm a bad liar, bad liar
Now you know, now you know
That I'm a bad liar, bad liar
Now you know, you’re free to go

Did all my dreams never mean one thing?
Does happiness lie in a diamond ring?
Oh, I’ve been askin' for
Oh, I’ve been askin' for problems, problems, problems
I wage my war, on the world inside
I take my gun to the enemy's side
Oh, I've been askin’ for (trust me, darlin')
Oh, I've been askin' for (trust me, darlin') problems, problems, problems

So look me in the eyes, tell me what you see
Perfect paradise, tearin' at the seams
I wish I could escape, I don't wanna fake it
Wish I could erase it, make your heart believe

But I'm a bad liar, bad liar
Now you know, now you know
That I'm a bad liar, bad liar
Now you know, you're free to go

I can't breathe, I can't be
I can't be what you want me to be
Believe me, this one time
Believe me

I'm a bad liar, bad liar
Now you know, now you know
That I'm a bad liar, bad liar
Now you know, you're free to go

Oh
Please believe me
Please believe me

23.42h

it's been the most stressful and heartbreaking month and a half....
a stressful and confusing 7 months....
and somehow i've lost my way....
and i need to find my way back home and i don't know how to do that.
i don't know how to press reset and feel ok and balanced.

i'll be honest. this isn't how i imagined myself at 37. i never grew up. and now that i'm here i'm a little bit overwhelmed but i  dont have time for that because two little people depend on me to be sane and whole and i dont know what the fuck i'm doing. i don't. i'm winging it.

i'm so far from You. i let the day to day consume me that i don't make time for You.... and i know this feeling. being lost is what happens when I don't spend time with You. When i don't visit You or make an effort to reach out. without You, my anchor, I'm adrift at sea....

i'm sorry. and i miss You.

i miss You, because You make everything ok. You make me safe.

I've been searching for that. the feeling that I'm protected and safe and I still haven't found it yet. only with You. 

just keep breathing...

Keep Breathing"

The storm is coming but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds

All that I know is I'm breathing now

I want to change the world
Instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing 

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now