I had so much expectations from myself these past 40 days, and as it happens with great expectations that are unfulfilled, there was only disappointment.
I never really got the new start, the fresh start I wanted. I neither died nor resurrected this Easter. I had suffered and struggled generally. Those were only fleeting moments.
Then it dawned on me.
"The Pursuit of Happyness" was shown on Sky and I watched it.
Chris Gardner is a hero who struggled and triumphed. He showed if you want something badly enough and you fight for it hard enough, you will succeed.
I may not had the new life I wanted to achieve, however, this Easter, I greatly appreciated the life I have right now in this moment.
It was due to this film, that I remembered all the little things I take for granted.
I know, that up until the end of the year, I have a job. This job will ensure that I can pay the rent for 2008. It means, I won't be sleeping out on the street or in the car. I have a place to stay. To some, it may not mean much, but if I can't pay the rent, I can't stay. Lately, because of the financial errands I had to take care of, I had to opt not to buy food and just eat once a day. I ate lunch at work. No breakfast, no dinner because I couldn't afford it. At least, I can still have a play to rest, a place to be warm especially this winter period.
I have people who love me unconditionally, and whom I love so greatly back. Leo and his family have been great to me these past months. They wanted me to feel like I still have family when I need them. They celebrated Easter with me today, by taking me out to "family lunch". They knew this day was important and like Christmas and New Year's, they didn't want me to be alone.
Leo is wonderful. He was told that there was a possibility of him being renewed, which means he'll have to be in Brussels until June 2009. Until then, he's still flying every other weekend to come and visit me since I can't leave Italy.
He's been amazing these past months especially with the car disaster. That chapter has hopefully ended. I know I could not have achieved it without his help.
Here's a before and after picture of the Volvo.
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Before
...and after...doesn't it look so pretty?
I have my friends. I don't get to hang out with them as often as I'd like, but we'll work around it. I know when we can, we get together and have fun. I have you guys, I know we're physically apart but if you ever really needed me, and I need you, I know we'll always make it through for each other.
My family is doing well in the Philippines. We all have our little issues that needs to be worked around including secrets from each other. Overall, they are healthy and well. they have enough and they're getting by. Lastly, I have my health. I'm a normal, healthy girl. I have a lot to be grateful for and I sincerely do appreciate the blessed life I have. I wish you all this Easter the gift of appreciation - the one you normally experience after you die (like for Easter). Or the one, after things or people get taken away from you. I felt bad I did not step into the Church today. Nevertheless, I don't think I would have had this revelation even if I had gone. Up until this afternoon, I was numb. Regretting slightly the apathy I had towards Lent and the past couple of days. I know now in my heart, even if I didn't go, it was this message, this enlightenment that I should have received. Where it happened, was not as important as actually receiving it. For this, I am indeed lucky.
Thank you Lord for Easter. Happy Easter everyone! Hope you had a good one.
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