please don't misunderstand

it's not a complaint.
just a statement of fact. i finally decided to stay home and attend to my house duties that i've been happily neglecting.
I updated my excel - so i could budget for november.
*sigh*
i spent too much in october.
after i pay the rent i'll be in the red by Euro500. I'm going stay at home all month. i don't care what event is going on. i'm locking myself in and not spending....
luckily i can do the groceries with the credit card, but i'll be keeping everything low key... damn being responsible.
oh well, its part of life....
instant noodles anyone?

ps: pyro, thanks for the offer...but some things i just need to do on my own.

Love is: coming to Rome ....from Brussels....through Milan... to be with your girlfriend for 24 hours. Thank you for making the effort....

- originally posted on FB, 08.04.11

you know you've been going to work too much when on a saturday afternoon, you feel your outfit is complete when you go out in a dress with just your work badge without any socks or a jacket.

*facepalm*

i.am.a.masochist.

i wonder how well i can hide the real me?

because i dont tell you (guys) enough

I'm currently driving when I realized that I needed to post this:

I love you.

For making the time to read my blog even if its confusing half the time and you have no idea of whom I'm talking about. For sending your family to check up on mine. For listening to me whine. For calling me to make sure I'm ok. For the late night drinks over skype, in a bar or at home. For spending time with me.

I know I haven't been a whole lot of fun lately and I apologize. I could be doing far worse and my inner turmoils just about rip my heart apart. I have been crying everyday to and from work. But I know that even if you get pissed at hearing me whine about the same damn thing, you'll still hold my hand, and wipe away my tears when I cry and hold my hair back while I puke when I've had too much to drink. That reassures me. I know that whatever happens, I'll be ok because I have you. I'm so lucky to have friends I can turn to despite the distance or time (I'm also meaning the Rome friends I don't make much time to see).

Thank you for being a part of my life...and whenever I've needed you, thank you for always being there. *hug*

-from the beaten, torn heart of me-

i want to go to manila, like NOW

09_OJ by HIFIPONG
Press play then read on to the entry...hopefully, it'll calm us both down:

Ate is ok. For those of you who don't know Ate, she's our maid. But we really don't consider her that since she's been working/living with us for over 20 years. I hate that she put up a fight with the theif on Monday night. I hate that she got hurt (he punched and kicked her). I hate that I'm helpless over here. The worst part? The neighbours are telling Ate to be careful and just stay in the house. Apparently, the guy didn't get much things and is kinda pissed about that. Randomly, they see him hanging around our street, watching our house. They are scared for Ate as they say, he seems really pissed she interruped his "shopping spree".

The cops gave chase to the guy until they followed him into a dark alley and they they stopped. They were afraid that he may have a gun and they were unarmed. So, Philippines security isn't at the best here. I hate not being able to do anything.

Ralph and I wanted to go home straight away, but that wouldn't really do much. The very least, it's so that Ate wouldn't be home alone.

gggrrrr....

*breathe in*
*breathe out*
*breathe iiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnn* TANG INA MO MAGNANAKAW KA!*breathe oooouuuuuuuutttttttttt*

Nanakawan kami sa BF.
Fuck.
Hang on, I need to get my head on straight.
So last night, someone broke into our house in BF and beat up poor ate, as she was alone.
I'm glad that she isn't hurt too badly and while I'm sorry that she was there at the time, I'm very grateful that my mom wasn't home.

Damn.
I won't be able to finish this post as I'm still a little confused and reeling from the shock. *sigh* it is a bad world out there.

polish wedding - dresses entry

Hendrik and Marta tied the knot in Poland last 8.10.11. I'm such a procrastinator that I didn't prepare the dress I was suppose to wear...I remember having brought over the gowns I had worn once for debuts in the Philippines. At whose debut, I don't even remember. I wanted to go low cost considering I was spotting for the hotel and airline so even though the dresses were 11 years old, I tried to see if I could still fit into dresses made for me when I was 18.
So here's the first dress I considered, but it was a bit too snug for comfort.

The second dress, I couldn't zip up by the upper torso area *sigh*

So here's the winner:

I actually ended up on the day of the wedding, going to the Mall looking desperately for a hairdressers when I stumbled upon this dress. It was love at first sight. But then I had to buy all other accessories to go with it (bag, necklace, earrings). 'Tang ina, so much for a low budget event! Well, in the end, I was comfortable with what I was wearing. So that counts for something no?

i am a bad person....i'm also sleep deprived

So lately, I've been going home at 2 or 3 or 4 am and inevitably, that took a toll on my health. However, today, Monday, after being home and going to bed early (around 11), I find myself tossing and turning from 2am. It's now 4.35.
Must.switch.off.brain.
damn.

Guy friends will always get you in trouble with their girls be that: potential, temporary or actual. It's not the first time I find myself listening to the potential girl cry about my guy friend. Damn it. Must remember to kill guy friends (calling AJ! :P but then I won't have anyone to drink with!).

My latest misadventure:

i only told him that somehow it came out of my mouth that me and him occasionally sleep together. he seemed pretty cool with it, he said that u already asked him about it but we didnt get into details. he said kind of joking that he told u that there was nothing btween us "this week"

so....can i ask u what did he say when u asked him, did he actually deny?

*ugh* can anyone say awkward! this is the last place i want to find myself. analyzing what he said, what he didn't say. what he did and didn't do. he is my friend after all...damn men.

stormy weathers

View from my office after yesterday's freak storm.
It was actually very scary and all too familiar. It reminded me of being back in Manila during the rainy season. Driving into the office was an ordeal. There was zero visibility as the rain was pouring non stop. Then the road I took, flooded very easily. So more than once, I started praying really hard that the engine wouldn't die in the middle of the impromptu river. I have absolutely no clue as to what to do if it did. After two hours of grueling traffic, I made it in. I was one of the lucky ones. Most people took 3 hours to get in. Around lunch time, the rain let up and surprising, towards the end of the day, we were seeing sporadic bits of the sun. Then I saw this and thought it was really pretty.

In other news, I'm sleep deprived. I can't keep going home at 2 or 3 or 4 (!) in the morning and working the next day. I'm physically exhausted and I think my work is starting to suffer a bit.

I miss my house. I've been so disconnected from the internet as I'm hardly home and swamped at work that I haven't had time to check anything...or post anything for that matter. I want to post lots of stuff! Like photos from the wedding, the dresses! and other tidbits... *sigh* soon perhaps? I'll make the time.

for now, I gotta log off and continue working.*ugh*

dreaming of the summer (may 2012)

next destination maybe? could be an idea when i go home next year for addie's wedding. in other news, i can't believe i survived today.
it's 7.30pm right now and 24 hours ago, i had started drinking.
I hung out with Arass last night, she made dinner and it was super yummy!
pasta with salmon *mmmhhhhmmm* so we started drinking at 7.30, we had one and a half bottle of white wine and then around 1am we moved on to after dinner drinks (i think i had limoncello and she had cointreau) until 4.30am...girl bonding moments. i left her house at 4.40am, got home by 5 - skyped with kari for about 20 minutes and then prayed for sleep.
of course at 7am, ralph calls me up...we talk for about half an hour and then i got up to go to the office.
and i worked.
i was seriously productive up until 10 minutes ago. I just finished.
*damn*
how am i?
surprised that i'm still standing, although i'm sure i look like shit. i'm hung over with less than two hours of sleep...i'm not planning to get out of bed all of this weekend. like, at all!

"fail with consequence, lose with eloquence"

Arass posted this link on her FB profile today. I instantly fell for the song....there's just something so hauntingly alluring to it.

***
It's almost 11 and I still haven't packed. I'm suck a procrastinator. I haven't decided which dress to bring, so I'll bring two. One as a back up. Just in case, you never know. With my luck, anything can happen. I hope I don't crease it. Damn. Just thought of that now.

***
oh and Kari... sorry and thank you. you've be patient and if only you were here, you would have killed me by now. this is going slow because i want to. *sigh*
i'll try and keep the whining to a minimum.

***updated 14.10.11
Breathe in*breathe out*
its over. i'm finally free.

his and her version

Dinner Date - Blog

please, don't get any worse!

the day started bad enough by doing the last 2 kilometers of getting to work in 60 minutes. traffic was awful. then the emails from my supervisor for something we had already discussed a million times. my chief was being playful but i just wasn't in the mood.
then i had this intense craving of mcdonalds - shut up, kari, once in a while i crave burger and fries, ok? I've been good most of September!

so i go home exhausted and do a drive thru at mcdonalds and order my craving, which they fucked up AGAIN!!! you know when there's something you in particular you want to eat? you're not really satisfied until you eat exactly that? well, this is the 3rd time I've had this craving and it's the 3rd time that they messed up my order! wah! dahil drive thru, I didn't even think of checking what i got. di matapos tapos tong craving na to because they never get it right...pero sino naman yung tanga? that was a rhetorical question - don't answer that....

THEN! the one thing i look forward to at the end of the day when i go home is HIMYM and i found out that sky stopped airing it today! :'( WAH!!!! it was suppose to be season 6 today!!!!

oh well, i guess i should stop procrastinating and start packing.... wedding is coming up soon! and my friend is such a great organizer! he's arranged airport pick up, hotel drop off and hotel transport to the church. From the church we have a tram taking us all to the reception. It's going to be amazing and crazy cool.

packing? really? *sigh* lets get this over with...

good byes apleanty

me:

are you talking to me again or was the acknowledgement of my post simply because it was public?

hope you're well and i miss you

reply:

hey, i just cant talk to you coz i dont want to complicate my life. i do appreciate the greeting. take care there and i also miss you.

The mystery of why he stopped talking to me is finally over. Now I know.

for posterity's sake

related to a post 2 friday's back, here is the evidence of me stressed out and dealing with a bad month...

ps: this was the only decent photo i had....everything else looked like soft porn *ugh*

randomness

last friday, i went out with Boo for drinks. We didn't have much of a plan so we tagged along with Eli who did have a plan to go out to the center... while out, Boo met a woman she had been searching for, for the longest time ever...

ok, when things go right and nice coincidences happen, everyone is so keen to believe in fate. but we're so easy to cry bad luck when it's unfortunate things that happen - just because it isn't pleasant doesn't make it any less fate, you know.
shit is destined to happen too.

needless to say she was in shock for the next hour and recounted how it just had to be fate. we were't suppose to go with Eli. We weren't suppose to walk down that road. We were suppose to have left an hour earlier. it's good to know that while we may stumble along as we make our way through life, the universe makes sure to give us sign posts once in a while.

ps: that's when we discovered once drunk, we had lesbian tendencies...although that will be a post all on it own.

experimentations...

i opened up my dashboard yesterday and blogger offered the dynamic view template, although for some reason, it kinda works nicer if there's a photo attached.... so... even though there's absolutely no connection to my post (i am after all a writer not a photographer) i'll be posting photos anyway!
:D