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You're probably thinking that because she's my friend, this is completely biased.
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*happy*happy*joy*joy* let the good times begin

*original posting date Wednesday, 22.0.08*

These past 7 days have been full, full, full!
Addie dear, thanks so much for message. It made me miss you so much more. I can't wait to see you in December! Yes chicks, you too, thanks for the messages. It wasn't a pity party as much as a realization, but THANK YOU. I'm not alone in this universe and I refuse to be miserable. Quick run down from Wednesday to Wednesday.

Hendrik came and finally visited me. Well, not me, he had an OAV training seminar in Rome. Delegates from the Philippine Embassies posted all over Europe came for the training. But, still. It was a good enough excuse to meet up. I picked him up at the airport and immediately gave him the 3rd degree. Why? Despite me being happy that he was here. Coincidentally, Anthony called. I mean, what were the odds?! Really?

Anyway, took him to his hotel and he settled in before we headed out to dinner in Trastevere. I wasn't able to take any photos, nevertheless, we caught up. It was so good to see Hendrik again. Just thinking about the last time I could have seen him in Rome just makes me so angry. Psycho-ex wouldn't let me out of the house. Stupid as I was back then, I listened to the guy. Gggrrrr....

Thursday, I took the morning off. No, not because I was hung over. I really wasn't feeling well. I came in the afternoon and worked as much as I could. Good thing to because I got an email asking for my availability for an interview for next Wednesday. I apparently had to reply ASAP otherwise forefit being interview. I obviously said I would go even though I knew it was a farce as there was someone else intended for the job. After work, I rushed over to the Embassy where Kristine and Hendrik were waiting for me as we bought our first ever Football Serie A tickets! And, as luck would have it, it was a Roma-Inter game!

Friday was Mayra's last day in WFP. We wanted our traditional Friday lunches to end with style, even if it was going to be at the cafeteria. You all know what caf food is like, so I don't need to add to it. However, Mayra hadn't anticipated her fashion mishap and we opted to eat of WFP instead. Got tippsy at lunch! Yipee! Mayra is moving to FAO but before that she was going away for two weeks leave in Sri Lanka to visit Harinda. That same Friday, Leo was arriving, and it was Mayra's farewell drinks. What to do? Well, I showed up early at Mayra's farewell drinks and left to pick up Leo. I got tippsy again (I'm a lot of fun to be with after Alcohol, it doesn't take much to make me "entertaining" - a word they used), and went trigger happy!

Here's Sonia G., me, Mayra and Valerie at Artu, the venue for her drinks. I was so hungry! We had the usual appetisers, so not a full meal. I got back to the car to find a FINE! because I didn't pay the parking (I thought they didn't check on Friday nights!) and a missed call from Leo, who had already arrived at the airport. I raced to the airport. I had him waiting for 30minutes! ARGH! I won't let that happen again.

Saturday morning, I awoke to find a very sleepy Leo kissing me good morning. It had been a while that we haven't slelpt next to each other and I found that I had missed him a lot. After going to his parents house to say hello after he arrived, we went back to my appartment and slept together. It felt so goo to be in his arms again. It was his Mom's birthday, so we were mostly at their house chilling out. Since the day was nice, we strolled along to the park where we saw our swings were free!

On the swings with Leo

I needed shoes for my upcoming interview and was stressing about it constantly with Leo. I bought these fabulous shoes with about 10cms of heel! Its totally crazy, it takes some getting used to but I totally love it. We headed back to Leo's house because we didn't want to be late for the cutting of the cake and dinner! We had it at the Shangri La, corsetti. It was impressive as it was expensive. Leo's dad wanted to take his wife out to a nice dinner and it was well received by Leo and me.

Sunday morning went back to the usual routine of Leo leaving. I did get to have breakfast with him and his family though at midday and I took him to the airport. I got teary eyed this time. I don't usually as he comes so frequently anyway, but this was the first time since the break in that he slept over and it made me feel so close to him again. I miss him. So when he got through security check, I was wiping away a tear or two.

I didn't have much time to mope as I had to get meet up with Kristine and Hendrink. Hendrik got sick during his stay here, so we didn't get to hang out as much. I picked Kristine up from her house and we headed over to the center to pick up Hendrik and go souvenir shopping for him. Even though the game was at 8.30, at 5 we decided to make our way over to the stadium to find decent parking and eat appertivo's somewhere at Ponte Milvio so it wouldn't be too far and we hopefully wouldn't get caught in bad ass traffic after the game. We headed to ReRe for the apperitivos. We didn't notice time passing so quickly, it was already 7.30 and we had wanted to be in the stadium by 7.15pm, giving allowance for the lines.

The presence in the stadium was overwhelming. Thousands upon thousands of Roma fans were there. Unfortunately, in their own court they lost. BADLY. Inter scored accidentally, within the first 5 minutes of the game. Then, they were able to score (again!) 3 consecutive goals within the first 10 minutes of the second half of the game. My female colleagues warned me that it would be the longest 90+minutes of my life. When in reality. It wasn't that bad. I wasn't bored. However, the game was a bit hard to follow. They didn't even have any replays or live coverage on the big screen. You had to be watching the pitch. I honestly think I'm hooked now. I won't always go to the stadium. I know I won't be cheering for Roma! I do think that I would want to watch a Real Madrid game live. If only to see the hottie, Iker Casillas!

Monday, I was working until way, way late (by Italian standards) so I didn't get to see the message left by my mom. Tuesday night, when I got home even later! I finally saw her message. Ralph had passed the FSO Exams! :D I couldn't stop smiling.

The interview sucked on Wednesday, I knew I didn't do well. But its ok. That past week, was a lot of fun. I'll just hold on to those memories.

Dreams do come true

Its the disappointment that I'm afraid of.
What if the dream doesn't come out the way that you've, you know, dreamt it?
But it's not my dream, so I can't claim the heartache.

I'm just so happy to know that dreams can be made into a reality if you want it bad enough. Congratulations!

After forever - my summer blog

2008 has been interesting as well as challenging. So, Leo wanted to treat me to a one week, get-away-from-it-all holiday. We had booked for the last week of August, the last week of the summer. He had booked us at hotel that had its own private beach. The goal was to switch off and bask in the sun. Unfortunately, the Hotel had lost our confirmation (don't ask) and we weren't as mad as we should have been. I told Leo all that mattered, was that we were together, for better or worse. It was going to be amazing anyway.

The hotel apologized for the inconvenience and had arranged for us to stay at their sister hotel, but it didn't have its own private beach. It wasn't even near the sea (which is what we wanted), it was in the middle of the mountains! Which wasn't at all promising. However, it had a pool and 2 free dinners so we were happy.

Monday.

Was when this all had happened. After we settled in and everything, we saw they had a pool which we readily took a dip in. Dinner was somewhat formal and they denied Leo entrance for being in shorts and slippers. We changed into something more "decent" lets say and were pleasantly surprised with dinner. They had buffet salad bar and deserts!!!! Oh that was so fun! One table full of fruits...figs, watermelon, apples...yum! and one table full of pastries!We stuffed ourselves until we were sick. In fact, Leo could hardly walk back to the room.

Tuesday

We decided to take the car and go to Sorrento City proper and check out the ferry schedules to Capri. It was such a freaking nightmare to drive! I was honestly stressed out. When we got back to the hotel, Leo and I decided that we were going to go to the City with the shuttle bus service the hotel offered. We got back to the hotel at lunch time and tried out our newly bought bed!There weren't a lot of people around so Leo and I had the pool mostly to ourselves. We took turns sleeping on the bed in the pool! A must do when on vacation.

Wednesday

We got up early and headed out to Capri. The boat ride wasn't long, 30-45minutes and we were there! The amazing thing about Capri was how expensive everything was. It was rows and rows of signature shops and you could even see one store with a gone tanning sign to show they're closed! We stayed only the day. In the afternoon, there was a rush in queue and we were like sardines! While waiting for the boat back, we had some nice cold granitas to refresh ourselves. We had dinner in Sorrento that night. We had dinner at the place we had gone to two years ago!

Thursday

We had made arrangements with the hotel to go their "private beach" which turned out to be an abandoned port area. It was really rocky. But the water was clean and fresh and definitely refreshing. We spent the day lounging at the beach. That was cool.

Friday

We decided to totally chill out. We spent the day at the hotel's pool and slept in the afternoon. We had dinner at the hotel, we hardly moved. We did also however, got our bags ready. We were leaving the next day.

Saturday
We checked out and headed straight to Rome. We didn't stop anywhere. We had lunch at our favorite place in Leo's area and relaxed. I went home that night. Leo left the next morning to go back to Brussels.

It was short but a whole lot of fun. I still look back fondly at the pictures and wish I was reliving them again.

A secret

I've confessed recently to Addie how I'm afraid of disappointments. I've afraid of rooting for something, because I couldn't handle the reality of never achieving it.
And also, I'm afraid of ridicule.
Pop quiz, how well do you know me.
What kind of music do I like? Do I have any favorite books, authors?
Is there any one celebrity out there that I would love to meet?
Chances are, you can't answer those basic questions with certain, because I don't even know. But I discovered today that there would be this one celebrity that I would really love to meet (although I haven't been to his concert, because I was afraid of disappointment): George Michael!
:D

Was watching Eli Stone today, its pretty funny, but I love that George Michael was there. Listening to the cast throw around some of his lyrics, it brough back powerful memories. As one of the characters said, "I've always associated listening to his (George Michael) music with the better days". Some songs just pull you in. While I won't be a fan of all his songs, there's one that will always be a favorite:


Let me tell you a secret
Put it in your heart and keep it
Something that I want you to know
Do something for me
Listen to my simple story
And maybe well have something to show

You tell me youre cold on the inside
How can the outside world
Be a place that your heart can embrace
Be good to yourself
Because nobody else
Has the power to make you happy

Chorus
How can I help you
Please let me try to
I can heal the pain
That youre feeling inside
Whenever you want me
You know that I will be
Waiting for the day
That youll say youll be mine

He must have really hurt you
To make you say the things that you do
He must have really hurt you
To make those pretty eyes look so blue

He must have known
That he could
That youd never leave him
Now you cant see my love is good
And that Im not him

Chorus

Who needs a lover
That cant be a friend
Something tells me Im the one
Youve been looking for
If you should ever see him again
Wont you tell him youve found
Someone who gives you more

Someone who will protect you
Love and respect you
All those things
That he could never bring to you
Like I do
Or rather I would
Wont you show me your heart
Like you should

Wont you let me in
Let this love begin
Wont you show me your heart now
Ill be good to you
I can make this thing true
And get to your heart somehow

Groupie for a day!

Kristine let me tag along to the Smart event in Rome. We were unexpectedly invited for dinner and well... here's what I got to do!

Mediocore Me

After putting up with my hormones, and re-socializing myself with the rest of the world, I felt bad for being me.
There's nothing special about me. I'm not smart. I have never been, nor can I pretend to be. I will never understand the financial market. I know what's happening is bad, but I can't analyze it. I can't hypothesize what will come next and what preventive measures people should theoretically engage in. I cannot have a conversation about the hyperinflation of the Zimbabwean Dollar or how to change the system to make it better.
I have no real talent, as compared to any of my friends and other people I know. I cannot capture the moment. Hell, I can't even capture any moment.
I don't shine in anyway.
Worse, I've holed myself up at home as I have no money to spend. I haven't learnt Italian as I still have this inert resentment for being in Italy. I've found spiders all over the house!!!
I didn't know that this is what I'd be doing at 26.
I just want to get a life.
You know what?
The decision has always been mine to make. I'm nothing special. I'm just me. With a wonderful boyfriend who supports me unconditionally, who takes in me, for being plain ol' Jane. I really have nothing to complain about.

so it begins...

I spoke to my landlady today.
I told her that I can't sleep at night (which is true) and that I want to move out.
I asked her how much notice I had to give her. She said 2 months was fine, even if it was written on the contract that I give 6 months notice - but she (being a business woman) started talking about all the difficulties I'd encounter if I move. I had given it thought, but my situation had to change. I felt unsafe in my house, something had to give. I told her that I'd check and see, however, I was going to move out.

I walked back into my apartment and sat in the dark. I did something I haven't done in a while. I prayed. I didn't know what I was doing and I needed help into the right direction.

--- an hour later ---

My landlady comes down and says her husband wants to talk to me. That's never a good thing. The guy is more domineering. I went up and we talked. They asked if they put on the gates from me, would I consider staying. I had asked for this initially after the break in but they said I'd have to pay a ridiculous amount and they weren't willing to do it. I asked about paying it and they reduced the cost to just buying the materials (which is still a bit) and I can pay them back in installments.

Now, I'm even more confused. Admittedly the rent is a bit high. I'm hoping for a promotion, I'm not sure I'm going to ever get, but there's hope! If I get it and they make it retroactively, I should be able to cover my costs. The first and foremost concern was safety. They weren't as willing to give it before, which I why I decided to leave. Now, they want to increase my safety and that's a good thing.

I also have to be practical. I can't afford to move it. Well, I could but I'd have to go into debt to do so...therefore, am I really that willing? Then there's all the admin hassle but that's just the reality that goes with me moving. Anywhere I'd go to, I'd be paying almost the same amount (maybe €50 less) for way smaller. Plus I have all my furniture here. I'd have to start selling stuff or throwing them away, which would be a pity because I was hoping that when Leo and I live together, we can use our stuff while slowly piecing together our house.

Help, if anyone out there can give me something that I should consider more to help me decide, I'm all ears.