day 25

so there's a new challenge, and for today they wanted a song which is a cover by an artist that is no longer living....
i posted on IG what i could find but the song i really wanted was this:

Chester Bennington
singing Rolling in the deep....
how i miss his voice.

making time

so today was a holiday at the office and i decided to bring the kids for a dental appointment then hang out at mitras house.
it was nice to do some thing else but then i realized how much personal things i've let slide and i need to take time to do them.... also for myself.to have my nails done. i need to find the balance of work and kids and i don't know how to do that.
even 10 min stretching i dont do....
what kind of example am i setting for my kids

new age

ever since i was little, i was fascinated with the occult.
but being in the philippines where it was predominantly catholic was a bit hard to explore. people did anyway but i was too scared to embrace. i was afraid of judgement from friends and my religion. i was afraid of what is really out there. i was afraid of acknowledging ghosts because that would be i would acknowledge that they walk amongst us.
i was afraid of knowing angels, because that means there would be devils. and i was afraid of myself, because i know i am weak and gullible - i wouldn't and i am not strong. if a spirit decided to trick me i would fall.
but i've always been curious, about tarot cards and palmistry and pendulums and just witchcraft in general.... and with so much information online, i've been reading up and then getting scared again.
what if i'll go to hell for all of this, for wanting to learn more about this.
two full moons ago, that is when the power of the moon is strongest, i brought all my stuff out for recharging... and i made a plea, that i would like to know more about the spirit guarding me. and right away, i could smell a scent in the air. i was outside on the balcony and well, we're all pretty spaced out in terms of buildings, plus it was late at night and so i knew. my hair on my body all stood on end and i freaked out.
i said wait, i'm not ready, please leave me alone and just like that, i was alone again.
i want to develop this knowledge so i can help myself and others who would like to seek help, but there's so much unknown to me. there's so much information out there as well, its so hard to see the truth. the core. but baby steps. i'll get there eventually. after all, its all about growing up along this journey. about being the first one to reach the destination.

humility

as much as i can try to do things on my own, i do but some things, i need a tribe for.
some things, i actually do need help.
some things, i do need a team.
and i struggle with this, because I have been independent for so long or at the very least i have been doing things by myself for myself.
but i'm no longer by myself.
i do need help.
and i feel bad for all my friends i've neglected. i'm sorry.
and those who persisted, thank you.
thank you for reaching out, for your support.
i do need help. i do need people to check up on me and i cannot survive this journey of life as we know it alone. i need you. thank you for not giving up on me.

hey!

blogger shows the number of views a post gets... i'm surprised that its being viewed and since i'm not viewing it, you want to drop me a line to let me know you're checking up on me?

its mothers day and half way through may.
work is insane, and then personal....well, personal is messy....
ugh.

the king

its been a crazy period....sleep deprived and lots of mistaken reports....

this song has kept me through the late nights, so ..... if i have to remember this time, i would remember it with this song

in your eyes

literally, song of the moment, playing on the radio....only worth mentioning because jordan liked it from snapchat, another long story for a different day

the weeknd
in your eyes

pause

i took a trip down memory lane...yes i read the old posts...
i don't write much but the songs of the moment bring back some memories, so i'll try  to keep that up and alive....

time flew by and stood still

we are now in May of 2020.
I haven't written for a variety of reasons, life got in the way.
When we first moved there was no wifi signal in the room so i could only do it outside - i haven't found my writing desk space yet and then i just didn't want to write
then the kids needed more attention.
the learning curve of work.
the personal space situation
its all crazy.
but the whole point of writing was to connect to God. To speak to the Lord and have a relationship with the Divine.
It is and remains to be my personal space of where I can write as if I am speaking with Him, with all my imperfections, my pettiness - where I can say stupid things and be stupid and acknowledge it and grow up. Before I can grow I got to let it go right? and the way I do that is to vent it...to speak to someone.
i can always catch up later on.
this is just my way to start again. to drop in and say hello
apologise for not making the time before, and if You'll have me. I'll try and drop in regularly.