ending the month

this month has been particularly emotional - from the past to the present and moving onto the future
extreme highs and really deep lows
the rollercoaster just won't stop
so before all the serious craziness seeps in...
I will distract myself.

so the one silver lining, the one kilig moment I have is my crush coach sending me a message with a kiss emoticon.

that made me happy for 48 hours :D

12.24

that is the current time .

I went to bed at past 3 in part because I was putting Julie back to sleep and in part because I was waiting for neo to come home. which I didn't manage to do because he got in so late.
Julie woke up at 5.30 and I got her gave her milk tried to put her back to sleep but she wasn't having it (I think she's teething). she threw up a little bit (which I then had to clean) and then she pooped (and I had to wash her) I fixed her hair before 6 - 6.15 is when meanne got up I took my shower and got ready to go to work.
I had an interview.
so I had to drop off Julie I parked a bit badly. I had just dropped her off when a car was coming out and I was blocking her. I tried to open the car but the lock wouldn't work - I think the batteries are low.after struggling two minutes, it finally opened, but then the car wouldn't start and another car was blocked!
after another 2 minutes I finally got the engine running and narrowly missed hitting another car.
ugh
that was before 8.15

I met Dario who just said be positive and so we left it at that.
the interview was so so, but I know its already for someone else. I took it as practice.
and now, we're here. with me taking a break so I could post.

life is good.

Define, what a fucking day

Answer: mine. It’s past midnight now so it’s technically Tuesday but what a day - starting off with trying to get to work early - had to bring Julie to school. work a little bit. leave at 12 to get back Julie then run off to FAO for the language exam.
the stress of making it on time while the train was running late was a bit much but I barely made it in before the doors closed.
after the exam I went and got a souvlaki. I was debating it as it looked like it was going to rain but I was hungry. so I got the sandwich and then the heavens exploded. it was ok for a minute until meanne told me to go home urgently as Jordan's eyes were suddenly swelling. with the roads flooding due to the sudden heavy downpour and not having an umbrella, I begged the shopowner for anything that would keep me partially dry as I would run down to catch the metro going home.
they offered me a black bag - the garbage bag - it was new though. so, with cut holes for the eyes and mouth I ran down viale aventino soaking my feet trying to make it home for my son.
after we inspected his face and saw nothing that could have caused the swelling (insect bite or plant allergy) we just stayed home. I started making the merenda to bring to school. because of course, it was my week to bring snacks

ugh. 

can we break up

7 years later.... and I guess this should have been the song we broke up to at the time.... now that I saw leo again, "I know in time, we'll find, this was no surprise...."

summer

so this post is a bit weird, because it starts last summer.
last summer Neo left to go to Sierra Leone. He left july 4. my mom had left as well as she could only stay 3 months. so for the first time with two kids, on the weekend, i was alone and i didn't know how to handle it or what to do.
as always, we went to La Baia we went in the morning, (early since they are early risers) stayed there for lunch and left right after. this was what i was doing every weekend in the summer (either saturday or sunday) .

one lunch, julie decided not to cooperate and was screaming her head off. i barely ate lunch, i ran home just to calm her down. so while i was getting her ready to go, one guy who was having lunch by himself turned around. im sorry. was all i could muster without making eye contact.i was embarrassed. i had become one of those parents some of my friends hated while eating out. this guy reminded me of harinda. so damn. i know what was going through his head.

every lunch we would see each other and acknowledge each others presence. this happened all throughout the summer. around august, he walked by me and i just ask him, so whats up? and then we had a conversation, he was working for erg and speaks russian and that he loves coming to la baia. he loves the beach and for him the restaurant is amazing. i dont remember much else. then we left it there.

i saw him the last time we had gone to la baia for the summer of 2017 but i didnt say good bye and that was that.

until today.

he was there again. having his lunch. by himself. again. he turned around and eventually our eyes met. we said our hellos and left it like that. while getting the stuff ready for leaving, i decided to just go up and say hi

so i go, hey, sorry i dont want to disturb you just wanted to say hi and he's like, handshake and then pulling me in for the kiss greeting. he was still sitting and i was standing as he was telling me of his year. then i started to freak out as i left the kids alone. so i just cut him short i'm sorry i left the kids. he's like ok, give me your number, so i gave him my number, he was trying to make my phone ring but i never got a call.

when i got home, he sent me a message, it was nice to see you again.

yun lang. ego ko lang
bwahahahaha :)

after forever

so i'm sure i neglected to mention that Leo came to visit me at WFP.
my thoughts are all over the place because i just saw a video by Mayim Balik about her being divorced and why she didn't throw away all the wedding mementos. and i could relate. this blog has Leo imprinted all over it. i travelled a lot with him so my trips and how those trips shaped me should not be so easily disregarded. anyway.
it was ok.
which was kinda anti climatic but i never really had an expectation of what it would be like to see leo again after the break up so...
it was ok.
he waited an hour for me as i got called into a meeting unexpectedly. so i guess being late also kinda diffused the situation. but because we had perfected how to talk to each other about day to day life, we just literally caught up. well, he updated me, anytime it got personal for me, i would deflect the question.

and so thats that. he's fine by the way. he's not working. he's having an amazing time, living off rent of his brussels apartment and his two airbnb's in greece

let me survive this week

hectic doesnt even come close to my schedule the past two weeks and the upcoming 3 weeks....quite by accident i found this song. and its just stuck in my head even though i might not necessarily feel this way (or maybe denial is my super power)

I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!

I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole

pieces, Red