Monday

I got it.
I finally got my permesso.
And you know what, it is expired


this is me waiting with my papers. the small, pathetic, torn piece was my waiting number and it took an hour and a half before they called me-and I was number 11!

I had to get up early and fortunately, not too too late for the appointment at the police station. I was there before 9. 8.45 to be exact. There were some other filipinos waiting in line too. They had been there since 7.30! I got there and wrote my name down - number 17. And waited, outside, in the cold for 9 am to come. I was chatting with some pinoys also waiting. They called us in at 9 and gave out strips of paper. As my first photo shows. And the long wait began. I wasn't called until 10.30-and I was only number 11! Just realized I had already mentioned it, but really, you had to be there. One the pinoy guys I was talking to got called in earlier and left. He came back just to chat with me. After a bit, he said, Can I get your number? Without wanting to turn him flat down or to seem to arrogant and assuming (saying, I don't think my boyfriend would like that), I just laughed it off and said, I'm sure we'll see each other again. That was a strange encounter. Going back to my permesso- Get this, when it was my turn, the guy attending to me said that it hasn't arrived yet and I should come back on Friday. What?! Could you believe that? Anyway, I thanked him and as I was leaving I asked how would I know for sure, and he told me to just ask at the window. I told him that's what I did on Saturday. He couldn't believe it. He checked different computers and files. Finally, he found my name among the ones that had arrived. The reason why he couldn't find it the first time round was because my last name was spelt only as ABA. Seriously?! They made sure they wrote out my first three names, but decided that the last name wasn't important enough. So I have it. But the guy was incredulous, as the document was expired. *sigh* He couldn't believe it either. My worse fears confirmed. I have to do the whole damn thing AGAIN! - the entire process of appointments and finger printing, which baffles me since I thought the whole thing was suppose to be electronic and all my info such as finger prints, birthday (things that COULD not POSSIBLY CHANGE) would be stored in the database. Apparently not. The process should take another 4-6months. Isn't this so much fun? I can't go to the UK or the USA because my document wouldn't be valid long enough for me to apply for the visa.
Oh well, I shouldn't be ungrateful. I have the permesso. Lets deal with things one at a time, right?
I got to work at 11 and there was NO PARKING! As we had informal consultations with the donors. It wasn't the greatest. I got in and worked. Tired myself out and went home. Ah life, and the expenses are still flowing. I can't even shop.
:(
WAH!

Finding a friend

As Steve and I spend more and more time with each other, we find we have several similar interests. He loves photography.
So these are this enhanced pictures. Hopefully, one day, he'll teach me how to do this. And we plan on doing road trips. Should be fun. After so long, its nice to know that there's someone who won't get embarrassed once I whip out my old, plain but trusty digital camera.

Although admittedly, after a while, the pictures look like a cross between a comic and a photo

House hunting

Leo went house hunting today with his parents. There were some areas that his father had suggested Leo consider and he was very excited about it. Leo's ideal place wasn't too ideal, as all the buildings were the same, but it was well organized and had all you needed for a small community. So they are going back to talk with the real estate agent to find out how much it is, etc, etc. Then we (just me and Leo) will go one day and see the area. He wants me to give my opinion as of course, this would be our puppy basket.
I'm so excited! I can't wait!
:)

Mutual Trust

Dinner with Steve lasted til way past the time that was good for us (I slept at 5.30), but Leo was totally cool with it.
Now with the situation reversed, I had to show that I was ok. And I was. I felt that we've really grown as a couple. Now I understand what people say when they say Trust him and just have a good time. It was all cool. He went out with Portugal. They had dinner, picked up her parents and went out for a drink. He made it home at my house by 2. He was so tired. The poor baby.
He slept over at my house!
:)
I was so happy!
Also, I just recently discovered comic life. Took my cue from Kari (although she did her's a long time ago)
So I know i'll be busy with my little baby....
sample:

Productive week

Wow.
Thats probably the only word that could sum up this past week.
And right before I head into another one, I better write what happened this week.
Monday I got up determined to find the mechanics place so I could get an estimate on my dad's car and submit all the relevant documents to the insurance. Monday, at 5, I left work. I couldn't find the damn place. I was going to try again on Tuesday. At least as my landlord where it was and try finding it again. Tuesday, Steve asked me for coffee, which was funny, because I committed a faux pas and blurted out, did you bring money? At this point, he cracked up laughing. He was like, why did you think I asked you to come - so you could pay! And then he brought out his wallet. I apologized while we were getting our coffee and explained, "I know you shouldn't compare friends. But Bryce had this annoying habit of calling me down and NEVER bringing money." Steve cracked up even more! Right after work, I went home to talk to my landlord, but he wasn't it. I asked the wifey about the mechanics place. After getting a general idea of where it was, I made my way to it again. It was close to 7 when I got there and they were closing. I did talk to the guy and asked if I could get an estimate for the car. He said I should pass by tomorrow by 11. Obviously, since I had to be at work, I told him I'd pass by 6.30 the next day. He agreed. Wednesday, since Steve was coming over to the house for dinner and a game of Wii, I didn't want to pass by the mechanics to get the estimate (it was WAY out of the way anyway), so I called them up in the morning and asked if I could pass by around lunch. The answer was a yes. Be weary of easy answers, I've learnt-as when I got there, the guy was on lunch break and I was told to come back at 2. Screw that. I decided to keep my appointment of 6.30 with or without Steve. From work, around 6 Steve and I left to the mechanics (I told him that we had to leave at 5! of course, being us, we couldn't leave straight away). It was raining and traffic! But we eventually made it. Hhmm... in retrospect I feel bad for thrusting Steve into my car. Its just that I parked blocking an entrance, but while we were talking with the guy giving the estimate, someone had to leave. I just gave Steve the keys and asked him to deal with it. Anyway. We went to the supermarket-we spent an HOUR, trying to buy 5 pieces. Chicken breasts, curry powder, wine, salami and cheese. That's all we bought and it took us an hour! We were so indecisive. We made it to the house at 8. Leo that evening had gone ice skating with this colleagues. We brought out the salami and cheese and drank a bottle of white wine. We were talking forever! Around 11.30 we decided to cook the chicken and eat it with rice. At this point, Leo had returned home. He just told me to call him when we were done. Steve and I talked forever-of course another bottle of white wine and beer helped the conversation! At 4, we called it a night deciding who should sleep over at who's house. In the end, I just drove him home and slept here. I got back at 5 am! At 5.30, after preparing the papers I needed to send and the clothes I'd use for the yoga session during the day, I let Leo know that I was home. A lot of people don't agree that it was a cool thing to do, but its our relationship. I don't think he minded as much. Besides, he trusts me too. Thing that upset him was that I wasn't going to get much sleep. I got up at 7.30 the next day and made my way to work and I worked! argh! with overtime too! Then I made my way to Kristine's for yoga. It was a good session. I got home around 10.30 and was talking to Leo, but I was really tired. I was crashing. Friday unfortunately meant I had to get up early (again) I had to leave the house around 7ish as I had my own mechanics appointment at 7.30 to change the tires of the car (all four) and a headlight and a backlight. Oh joy! That made me €514 poorer. I got there at 8 and the fools didn't even want to serve me as, they opened at 8 and they didn't realize it was past 8! (ok, ok, 8.02-but still that's past 8!) I had to leave the car and take public transport to get to work. That entailed a 12 minute walk from the mechanics to the train station. 12 minutes from the train station to get to my other train station destination. Another 12 minutes to take me to the Trastevere station and from there, guess what, another 12 to get to the station near work. and because I timed it, 12 minutes to walk from the Muratella (work) station to my work! I was so looking forward to getting the car and doing all that again in reverse mode! I had to pick up the car and Leo later on in the day, but I unfortunately had also offered my friend Erik a ride to Ciampino, the airport where Leo was arriving, as he was leaving to go to Brussels! Wasn't that funny?
I was torn between going to the airport straight from home or from work. I ended up going from work instead, which was a good thing because I got to see Wael and caught up with him. I took Eirk to the airport and waited for Leo to arrive. It was so surreal hugging him again. I guess I really missed him and he was gone only for 2 weeks! We had this awesome lasagna that his mom prepared and I fell asleep in his house. I made my way back home at 2 am (after sleeping right after dinner finished, on Leo's bed) My body couldn't take getting up early again, which was a pity because I needed to go to the polizia to check my permesso. The office was open from 9-12. However, in order to get a number so they can serve you, you need to be there way in advance. I got there at 11. The guy tells me my papers are ready, but since they ran out of numbers, I need to come back on Monday morning, but BEFORE 9 am, to ensure that I get a number and will be entertained. Thats what I have to do later on. *sigh* I hope I get this, I've applied for my renewal since May! Anyway, I went home and did the house stuff and went to see Leo around 3. We had lunch and just went around his area and had ice cream at the park! That was cool. Then he had to go to see Portugal and I went home. Kristine came over to play the Wii and I brought out the left over salami and cheese, and cooked (i cooked something edible!) Amatriciana. She said it was good. That lasted until 11. Then Steve and I were talking on skype and I was talking to Sinead on MSN. Then Leo came over at 2. Today, Celia was here and helped me clean up the house a bit. I went over to Leo's for lunch/dinner and took him to the airport.
Unfortunately for him, his flight got delayed. He'll probably make it in by 2
:(
As for me, I'm heading to bed if I want to get up at a decent time to get this document. Wish me good luck!

sabi ko nga ba eh

o, ano, gulat ka ba?
alam mo naman na ginagago nung umpisa pa lang, pero sige ka parin ng sige, akala mo, iba sya. tanga ka lang. bilib nga naman ako sa yo. nagulat na. na SAKTAN ka.
kaninang umaga masaya ka - nagpapasalamat ka dahil walang nang yari. o di ba, lusot ka, safe ka. ngayon naiinis ka, kasi pinagmukha ka nyang tanga. ano naman karapan mo magalit? sino ka ba? wala naman di ba?
o, di bakit ka naman nasaktan?

Is it bad?

Its a sunday.
I don't want to go out.
If I go out for anything, I'm making damn sure I'm heading to church as one stop. However, Mayra has already called for our shopping trip which I declined. Sinead has called for a movie, and the excuse I gave was cleaning the house. I'm actually cleaning the damn house and will do the laundry later too - by hand, since I'm doing an experiment to see where the stench of the bathroom is coming from. So I'm not using the washing machine. I don't even have money to buy my groceries for this week, so I shouldn't be going out watching movies.
So I'm just staying here, trying not to spend. Drinking the water from the faucet because I can't even buy bottled water.

yoga

so why did I end up with something so passive?
the first session was ok, it wasn't what i was expecting. but it was good nonetheless. very relaxing.
:)
kristine and i will try for a month and then we'll see how it goes from there. i feel my back is better though
:)

*yawn* i'm heading off to bed

confidence

you can tell i have no confidence, when while trying to do things for myself i get all quesy. The butterflies in my stomach all come alive. I'm not talking about standing up for myself or anything heroic or dramatic. I just booked an appointment with my soon to be g-y-n because of the shooting up pains I've been experiencing lately. It was no big deal, yet I got nervous. I was scared. I need to do things on my own. For myself! I just need to believe that I can do things. Next up to call (I've got a lot of things to do), is the guy for the insurance. Later on, the shop where they can change my tires and lights. But I'm making progress. I said I'd do things and I'm going out there and doing them. Tonight is my first try at yoga (I want to get fit) and I'll be looking around for sale items for skiing - that was one of the other things I wanted to do this year. Language? Well, language. It's still on my list of things to do.

senti time: 9 crimes

switched off

I don't know how you guys do it. Must be true the saying, the more you do, the more you cope. Because I know I haven't been coping very well. Maybe because work and life has become routine to me, I've switched off. Yes, we all have our bad periods, I've been working three jobs for the past month. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I feel I have not reaped any reward for the things I do. But thats not true. I would be very ungrateful. I have a job for 12 months. I will be able to survive for that time.
I guess I need some change. Hopefully the time with Kristine on Tuesdays and Thursdays will allow that. I need to actively go out with friends. I need to read more and do more. Maybe I need a life, to look forward to things again. To be hopeful. Maybe then, I won't be switched off.

No, he hasn't asked yet

But the Grey's Anatomy marathon got me thinking about the wedding I want for me.
Should I be thinking of this now, or later - when he actually proposes?!
so this will be my homework, to envision my wedding.

Can Ex's be friends?

Who was I kidding thinking that I'd get up at 8.30 am after staying up until 7 am? It's safe to say that I slept through my alarm and never made it to mass. I figured I might as well do something useful and started to clean up the house.
I entered my old room to see a Winnie the pooh pillow, white stuffed bear gifts from Psycho ex #3 and a Sagittarius stuff toy from Barcelona from Bogs the summer he went there.

I can't even look at these things. Its only out of principle that I haven't thrown them out, as they were gifts. But 4 years later, maybe I should. I look at them and get queasy all the way to my stomach. It reminds me of all my mistakes. With the exemption of Anthony, Psycho ex and Bogs, I can be friends who at one point declared the "love" (or at least interest) in me. That's JP. ....
anyone else? Anyway, for some, I'm just over reacting and yes, you can be friends. If the friendship is strong enough, if you've been through a lot of things. It can work. You don't have to lose the friend.

But everybody is different. They deal with things in different ways, so its not good to generalize. Given my track record, I can therefore conclude that I better walk away from the fire before I get burnt.

Thank you Mayra

Props to Mayra, ladies and gentlemen, *claps hands*
She lent me Grey's Anatomy Season 3.
I just wanted to watch the season finale. Turns out, I've missed the last 5 episodes. I'm on the fourth one right now. Due to the time though, I realized that Babylon 5 is on. They've stopped showing it on Sunday afternoons and Monday evenings (I don't know why!) - they are showing it everyday though, at 3 am! Nice one. So since I was up, I decided to watch a bit and realized that I missed this!
So I logged onto Amazon.co.uk and made a wish list. Babylon 5 complete series and the X-Files!
I do want to get CSI Las Vegas, but I've noticed that the story is lacking. Watching re runs of the first season on sky, I've noticed the difference in treatment of the storylines. I liked it way back then.
Its 5am. I haven't been up this late or this early in a long time (actually, the last time would probably be the Saturday I spent with Steve)
Anyway, back to my viewing pleasure.

...the last night...

It's Leo's last night in Rome. The end of his christmas vacation. He leaves in the morning to go back to Brussels.
We had lunch at his house. Watched Tom and Jerry. I missed cartoons like that. Just silly and FUNNY!
I fell asleep on his bed. He woke me a bit before 6pm so we could watch the Christmas Christian De Sica Movie with his parents. The movie was so so. I noticed that Italian slap stick was just exaggerated.
After the movie, Leo and I hung out, had dinner and slept on his bed until 3am. Then I went home. I feel sad that he's going, despite all my inner turmoil. He's been nothing but great to me, and he does what he says. So you guys better be saving up for our wedding. It's happening.
I'll give you 24-36 months :)

Happy Monthsary!

Its our 34th monthsary!
:)

and leo surprised with me some gifts! i totally wasn't expect it. He made me a good night kit. So I got the pajama set, and he added a few more things, like snoopy slippers, snoopy socks, and my favorite, snoopy pillow!

its so awesome! :)



i love you leo, thank you so much. I wasn't expecting anything at all.

Today

I got up at 7.30, to take a shower, pick up Leo and go to the police station near my house, to ask where the hell my damn permesso was. Made it to Leo's at 9 and drove immediately to the place. Got there at 9.30, just to find out that, its open every damn day, from 9-12 including Saturdays-which is rare for Italy, I assure you, EXCEPT on THURSDAYS when its open from 3-6 only. I had even taken the morning off to do this. Dropped back Leo to his house and went to work. I worked all the way until 2.20. Take note, I did not eat or go to the bathroom, just worked. All the way until I had to leave. Then I picked up Leo again and headed for the police station. We got there and in less than 5 minutes we got the answer we dreaded to hear.
"Your permesso's not ready. We don't know how long it will take. Come back next week." I took time off work to do this. No dice.
I drove Leo back to his area and he wanted to look for sweaters. After that, we went furniture shopping! But I was dead tired and hungry. It was around 5 already. So we headed off for a quick bite at Mcdonalds. I really missed hanging out with Leo and just talking and laughing. We talked about our future and what we hope 2008 will bring. He said he'll work in Brussels until September and then if they offer him another year, he'll take it. But that will be the last year. He would have saved up for a modest wedding for us, and he plans to come back to Rome, since I'm here. I rushed home though (after dropping Leo off again) as I wanted to pay the rent. I was very surprised to find the Volvo had moved (my landlord promised to take it to the carrozeria), and ever more surprised when they weren't home. So I didn't get to pay the rent today. I won't work overtime tomorrow - it our Monthsary! 34 months! I'm still debating if I should wear a dress or jeans tomorrow. I need more clothes. I'll shop when the sales begin.
Now its 11, and I'm waiting for Leo to call. I fixed up my clothes and watered the plants though. Maybe I'll start reading a book.
Just bought the golden compass. Should be fun.

not much, just the truth

I don't expect a lot of things from people. I'm uncomplicated because I take anything said at face value.
Stop stringing me around. No games. No lies.
We are where we are now.
No regrets.
Just the moment.
If ever our right moments cross paths, good for us. If it never comes - we can't pretend otherwise.
Just please, no more compliments. No more flattery. No more trying to connect.
If you want to talk. We'll talk. I can't offer you more than friendship. You know that.
If you can't handle it, tell me, and walk away.
But I can't take this anymore. Be here and be true.
Otherwise, there's nothing left to say.

a start

I hugged my jacket tighter around me against the bitter wind that was blowing. The thumping in my head wouldn't stop. Loud music all around. I needed to get away. I needed....I need.