Happy Birthday Rashad

A friend at WFP, he turns 27 today. A really cool guy, honest and always explicit. He's good company.
I had a crazy day today. Picked Kristine up from the airport, her arrival was scheduled for 5.55 but she came out at 6.55 - luggage problem. Usual story. I got up at 5 though, took a shower and everything, left the house at 5.55, got there at 6.15, and thought I was late! Well, anyway, I took her to her house, helped her get her stuff out of the car. Left her house at 8 to try and make it to work at 8.30 - made it. However things just kept on going.
Had a bad experience trying to close one of WFP's account with the post office. They were pointing fingers and couldn't decide which branch had our account. Spent 3 worthless hours for that. Missed out on Rashad's birthday lunch. Got back at 1.45 (left at 10.20) went straight to work, took a break around 3.15 to go to Rashad's division and brought him cake & his gift. Went back to work. Dinner at Mayra's house at 8, picked up Rashad at 7.50.
Home now!
*whew!*
Last night, Leo and I had a pretty tough night. He was asking me if I was sure I was with him for the right reasons and not because of circumstances (this would be, because I'm alone and single and desperate, and he's nice and whatever, we're together). This was brought on by a review of my "lovelife" I got with JP because I was healing a wound with DJ, and we lasted 3 years. Not the best of years and the breakups were constant. I got tired of trying to fight for him too. Then he just dumped me. Leo's point - if I wasn't happy, why didn't I just leave? Possible answer: because there was a possibility that he would do something drastic, which he did do in the end. Nevertheless, its not a reason to be with him, yet I was. I stayed for 3 years.
Moving onto Guy#2 (married), out of rebellion and spite, starting out as a game, is how it went. Then I became attached/dependent and I was seeking his attention that I never got. He ended it.
Guy#3(the cloth) I liked the fact I could depend on him. He listened. He got me and my mom onto better terms. But then again, he turned out to be an asshole and yet I craved to be wanted by him. This ended when he left (well, for some time, I still tried to make it work).
So enter Leo. After checking out some guys in WFP and befriending people, I realized I just missed company of friends. The more I became close to my friends, the less I sought of guys. I met Leo and at first was just irritated, he had long hair and was arrogant. It wasn't til months later when he got his haircut (December), that we began to talk (the lion bars did it). The more we exchanged emails, the more I wanted to get to know him. He was funny, and silly, and smart and witty and really really nice. I could talk to him about anything. Infact, we often did. However, while I was getting to know him, I found out he was "taken". But I had liked him a lot, so I vowed that I would love him as a friend. Be whatever he needs me to be, since I can't be more than a friend.
So I guess, I got together with him because I found him cute (really attractive), I was really well with him (and I still am) and I liked him as a person. He's a friend, whom I value a lot. He's the love of my life whom I have these intense feelings for. He's not an intermission guy (while waiting for Mr.Right), he's the MAN.
Last night, I asked for some time to think. Maybe I was getting with him for all the wrong reasons. But I knew in my heart the answer to that, and the answer was (still is) NO, I'm with him for the right reasons. So the conversation ended and I put in LAUDS (jesuit meditation music) and my first thoughts were instantly, I'm sorry Lord. Taking time out from Leo, wasn't really from him, but from me and tuning the world out. It was about making time for Kuya Jess. I started to cry because I realized that it was Kuya Jess that was missing in my life. So I prayed, that I love Leo and I'm happy and I want this relationship to work. I asked Kuya Jess that if he approves my decision to bless us and keep us happy.
I've never been happier.