From here to there, without him

 Carlos paced the room. I had never seen him so upset before. 

I had known Carlos all my life. He was my neighbour growing up and constant playdate. Now 27 years later, I'm finally seeing a side of my best friend, I never knew existed. But I knew what was plaguing him: the mood swings, the sudden unavailability or even, showing up at the most random of hours. Every moment, I stood by him, was patient and never complained.... I knew the signs because I lived them every time I was next to Carlos. He was in love. 

"Denise is moving to Hakkari," Carlos let out a deep sigh.

Hakkari is 20 hours by car, or three hours by plane, from Istanbul. It wasn't catastrophic but one look at his face and I knew it was for him. 

"I need to move. To be with her, before its all too late."

The world started to spin around me, my knees buckled and I was numb. Now I knew the feeling of how devastating the move to Hakkari would be. The price I'd pay for that move. Kneeling down and not finding the strength to get up. My breaths were short and shallow. Be .... without Carlos? This world that I live in: My world... it'll be a world, where Carlos is not there? 

Carlos turned around and realising I was on the floor picked me up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked. "I need you to focus. You have to help me plan this out."

"yeah, sure," I replied. "plan your move.... why exactly?"

"Because I can't lose her." Carlos walked away from me. "She knows how to love me. How to talk to me. How to bring out the best in me." He was looking out into the horizon, the sunsetting. Nice, time is running out. The day is almost over, and my heart was broken into two. She was me, with a nicer body and skinnier hair. 

I bit my lip, not trusting myself to say anything.