Literally means "To offer oneself", but the actual song is called "Take and Receive". I've been signing this song for the past week in order to help myself calm down. I can barely remember the last time I attended a mass I could understand. Must have been more than two years ago, maybe when mom was here last? I went to church again today with Mom. It seemed like I was coming home. Something so familiar, as if I never left. I felt like crying when they sang this song. In fact, I almost did. I finally let go of being strong and tough and sane. For 2 minutes, I let myself be completely vulnerable...and I felt safe.
The homily was a bit too reminiscent of a conversation I had with Boo some weeks ago. When you give something, you give it freely without expecting a thank you because it is something you wanted to do at that moment wholeheartedly. It is a decision you take, that you should never regret.
The mass concluded with the priest saying that this week's homework is to forgive ourselves. (Apparently, last week, the assignment was to forgive other people). And I wondered, not for the first time, if I'm human. I'm not suppose to switch off my emotions or put them on hold until I can find a more suitable time to deal with it. If something makes me sad at an inconvenient moment, I hold it in until I can deal with it properly. That can take an hour, a day, a week or even a month. I'm not suppose to deal out lip service that I'm ok when clearly I'm not.
Conversation with Pyro: You should always be honest with people.
He has a different approach I think though. He would never straight out lie, but he would omit the truth from time to time. Or if he doesn't feel they deserve the truth, he would just not say anything.
Perhaps more than being honest with others, I should just be honest with myself. I can lie to other people, in fact, I do quite often. But I shouldn't lie to myself. I should stop when I hurt myself and not put other people's emotions above mine. I am important too.
2 comments:
it's called a lie of omission. I think that if you want to tell the truth, it shouldn't be sugar coated. Why waste time making things pretty when it's going to mean the same thing anyway?
As for forgiving yourself, the priest got it right. Ugh. I hate agreeing with priests.
Ok, riddle me this, have you ever told anyone the full blunt truth (and I'm referring to a specific person here, you know who)? Or did you hide behind the lie of Omission?
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