oh, grow up!

i don't get it.
i really don't.
i don't understand how he can be such a brat about all this.
at least he knows what he wants and is conscious of his actions to pursuing it. - i never got that chance, EVER.
since i graduated, i jumped all the hoops, THEY dictated, and when the going went tough-well, i got going - to another country.
so he doesn't get to complain to me about he just has to get away from them.
at least he's in manila where friends are just a phone call away.
where he doesn't feel abandoned and alone and frustrated all the time.

imagine this:
full grown and all alone with your parents for the first time in your lives.
not having help.
stranded in a foreign country where they can't even give you allowance
or even help the first time round to pay for lessons.
i never learnt italian well - i still have this innate resistance to being here.
for better or worse i've come to terms that i'm here, so now - 5 years later, i'm actually actively trying to integrate myself into rome.

he asked me for money for his insurance in august - i said yes, well he asked first.
then he started telling me about the extravagant life is living.
i'm not kidding when i'm going on and on about being broke.
if i don't have enough cash, i literally cannot eat.
who's going to bail me out when i have nothing.
who is going to pay my bills, the rent, buy the groceries if i can't afford it?
noone.
and i have to save up to pay for my life insurance, ok with my brother, i understand, he's not earning enough etc, etc
i told him i could only send half. he said he was ok with that.
then we had a conversation not so long ago, all four of us and she said that i don't have to send money to my brother - let him pay it.
then he started going into hysterics. he was like, fine, i'll pay for it, but you (talking to her) will have to pay for my dinners out, my gas, my shopping, etc.

i wanted to slap him silly - that's not the point.
i wanted to shake him back to his senses. he didn't give me a chance to tell him, but i would have said,
not once (well, since i started working and i can count on one hand those times i absolutely had to ask) have i asked them to pay for anything that i did.
i paid my car insurance, my gas, dinners out, lessons, gym, anything i did - shopping for clothes. whenever i spent, i spent my own money. hell, when my mom would go out and see a shirt and thought i might like it, she'd buy it, make sure i liked it then charged me for it. i mean, REALLY.

it just sets my teeth on edge when he says, he absolutely has to get away from them. go ahead, leave if you want to. but stop asking from them. the condition they provided was, just graduate college, that's the only thing we can give to you and after that the rest is up to you. i know you're not asking from them, but still you're expecting from them. that's not the way it goes. he complains that they are unbearable. unbearable?! try living with them without any domestic help in a foreign country WITHOUT a job. for YEARS! i admit it was hard and i am sympathetic towards him, but he doesn't get all of it because he won't deal with it. he has his friends if he needs them. he's in his comfort zone. he envied me here. i'm broke, how am i suppose to enjoy a city that cost too damn much? he'd rather escape and go far away from them rather than get to know them. which in a turn makes me sad. my parents can be funny and we've had a lot of stupid moments and we laugh. we weren't always that way and because i had nowhere else to go i had to deal with them. we fought like hell, but when we got over our differences (trust me the struggle is still constant) we were ok. i still call them - not that often because its expensive. i know my parents can be difficult. i know that, but please try. they are after all our parents.

he is trying hard to reach his goal. he won't settle for anything related to it. its either attaining it or not at all. which is admirable in some cases, but i'm afraid that some things won't be as he expected them to be, and then what would he do? he has his dream high up on a pedestal he doesn't understand the reality of it. he might be in for a big disappointment. but he's going after it. so thats good. he doesn't have the pressure and need to work, therefore, its all ok. he's uncompromising - he won't work in a call center. i just hope his wait is worth it. he won't know until april next year. that's quite a bit of sacrifice, but he's working in the meanwhile. i know he has put a lot at stake on this dream, he can't move forward otherwise. my parting message to him after talking to him this morning was, welcome to the real world.