The need

"God grant me strength,
God grant me faith,
God grant me wisdom
beyond the human race"
I can't remember anymore, I was singing this song while re-examining my faith.
What is it? Leo and I were having an argument the other night about going to mass every Sunday. For him, once a month is fine, while I feel the need to go to Mass regularly. He just doesn't believe in the rituals, there are some that don't need to be observed so rigourously. However, when it comes to religion, noone is more disillusioned than me. However my faith does not lie in the instution, it lies it what it (tries to) represent. My God.
I've had a rough week, physically, spiritually and emotionally.
I've worked myself to the point of exhaustion. I have a cold, not that its all that bad, however the aching bones, the heavy head don't making working all that fun. I've had an encounter with a possible problem. I panicked, and there I realized I lost my faith. Just because things got a bit rough doesn't mean that its so bad.
We used to say, if He brought you to it, He will see you through it. Trust God to catch you when you fall or give you wings to make you fly. Besides, everything happens for a reason right?
I got a call on 31 January 2006 from H.R. telling me that my document had expired did I have a new one. Yes I did. Is it valid for working purposes? To my knowledge yes it was. I was told that if it wasn't valid I would be terminated there and then.
I called my friend whom I knew had an expired document. I asked her if HR called her. She said they did yesterday-what happened? It was her last day the day after the call. She's been let back to finish her contract. Me too, I've been asked to finish my contract and if I can provide a work permit (I have a permit to stay) then I can still work at WFP.
Talking to Romel never makes me feel happy. He was in the same position I was in. He benefited from it, he worked for 3 years with the same document I had. Last year, he won a post a fixed term job, so he went back to the Philippines and obtained the work visa from the Italian Embassy in Manila. Now he's talking like he never had that document. "In fairness to HR they shouldn't accept it as a work permit because its not valid" He knew yet he tried and he got away with it. Now I'm suffering he acts like I'm bad for trying.
This from a person who tells me my parents are horrible people and I should never brouch the subject of my parents to my cousin because she would tell me awful things about them that I don't know.
My parents are human, and I will never judge them for that. I love my parents and their short comings because they are my parents. No matter what they did. You can tell me everything bad that they've ever done, but I will not stop loving them because they are my parents. How dare you say that to me!?
-I had to let that out.
I'm just so sad, I don't know what to do. My parents don't know how to help me either. I'm stuck. Oh well.
Lead me Lord, take me by the hand and let me face the rising sun....walk by me through all the pains life brings....

- And this too shall pass