Saturday, January 19, 2019

23.42h

it's been the most stressful and heartbreaking month and a half....
a stressful and confusing 7 months....
and somehow i've lost my way....
and i need to find my way back home and i don't know how to do that.
i don't know how to press reset and feel ok and balanced.

i'll be honest. this isn't how i imagined myself at 37. i never grew up. and now that i'm here i'm a little bit overwhelmed but i  dont have time for that because two little people depend on me to be sane and whole and i dont know what the fuck i'm doing. i don't. i'm winging it.

i'm so far from You. i let the day to day consume me that i don't make time for You.... and i know this feeling. being lost is what happens when I don't spend time with You. When i don't visit You or make an effort to reach out. without You, my anchor, I'm adrift at sea....

i'm sorry. and i miss You.

i miss You, because You make everything ok. You make me safe.

I've been searching for that. the feeling that I'm protected and safe and I still haven't found it yet. only with You. 

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